I think what DF is saying here is: “I literally will not wait for the lemons to turn into lemonade. I’m divorcing you for a pitcher of lemonade. Plus, you’re a lyme, and lymeade is only fit for men who haven’t written masterpieces like ‘Ghetto Love’ or look like they’re on the way to the Dinah Shore Classic.”

If you are being held against your will.. BLINK TWICE!

Unlike Aunt Flo.

Hear Hear!

i bet you one million dollars that he does dumb voices when he has sex.

Wear a skinny scarf or
I’ll send you to Darfur

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go rewrite the lyrics of “SexyBack” and call it “AntiVaxx.”

Ugh, that was really self pitying wasn’t it? I meant for it to be more complimentary to her but yeah, money helps. Also sleep. Oh,glorious sleep, you elusive bastard.

I’m sorry I don’t gif, and I’m not graphic designer. This is just done with love and a limited amount of time.

“We once had an uncle who was a literal Nazi but this baby between consenting adults is the worst disgrace this family has ever seen.”- The Queen, probably.

I did not wake up this morning thinking I would like Ariana Grande, yet here we are.

Hustler facts: Comcast won't accept a mason jar full of pennies as payment... I just know these things.

I lost it at, “I’ve got some chicken that’ll do” and “I can find the goose! I’ve found geese before, and I can find them again! They congregate near ponds!”

Thank you. I’m so tired of these discussions playing out in the same ways.

Gotta use a bag of valencia oranges, doesn’t leave a bruise.

Anne Hathaway is pregnant! Isn’t that great? A source says she “wants to keep it quiet” until she “has an official pregnant belly,”

“Andre, take me to Red Lobster.”

Hey I just met you

Stitches the rapper sounds like a character on Doc McStuffins.

Bless you, Bobby Finger