Lightly salted peanuts, yogurt, string cheese, sea salt and cracked pepper cashews, carrot chips, La Croix water and when I’m stressed and DGAF: TGIF Potato Skin chips and Orange Fanta with a rice crispy treat chaser (they make them fresh daily in the cafeteria! And to be slightly OT: they’re yuuuuuuuge!!!)

Yes, this is the only correct list. All the gummies please. I’m addicted to those black gummi penguins that are peach flavored. You have to be careful where you buy them though, for some reason Dutch/Amish markets always seem to have the good matte finish ones, fancy candy emporiums seem to have the greasy looking…

mmmm...gummy colas.....

Haribo brand gummies, I trust.

Jalapeno cheddar Cheetos. I am disgusting. :(

Sake bombs.

Wait a min, is Trumpo saying he is the only honest person left on earth?

Remember, no matter how nuts you are for her, if she likes someone else, it’s irrelephant.

Overheard at the scene,

She’s still got some of Donald’s classy, amazing sperm frozen. He has all the best sperm.

Aww, that first one tho! Bend Over Boyfriend scenarios were proposed with so much more finesse back then.

Does a woman of 66 really need to clarify that “I definitely don’t want to have children anymore”?

They KNOW WHEN YOURE TRYING TO PUT HER TO SLEEP. DONT YOU GET THAT SHE DOES. NOT. SLEEP??

Let’s not call it “spying”. Baby always awake, always listening, always knife sharpening doesn’t care for that word. Let’s call it “loving”! Baby loves you even when you’re at school, or at work, or out of the country hiding in an underground bunker in the forest to escape. Baby always awake, always listening, always…

Sorry friends, as far as vaguely creepy old valentines cards go I’ve got the winners. Creepy Baphomet lamb, Fellatio the Snowman, and everyone’s favorite romantic icon...offensive Chinese laundromat worker.

KILL IT WITH *BIBLES* ON FIRE

KILL IT WITH FIRE!

I would generally agree with you, but they’ve pretty much invited our opinion by broadcasting the details of their sex lives to either; beard, hold themselves out as especially moral or devout, or drum up publicity.

Yes, I, an out gay man, am very homophobic. You’re adorable.