+1

Excuse me, but with that icon, you need to say “Ha HA! Balls.”

Once you have one, I will have something better, probably with an Apple logo.

Most lenders can’t sell your house with you still in it. Unless they sell the loan, in which case you still own the house until the next guy forecloses.

“If I fail a drug test, then I fail a drug test, then I fail a drug test, then I fail a drug test, then I fail a drug test, then I fail a drug test, then I fail a drug test, then I fail a drug test.”

I stopped reading this about a quarter of the way through. You probably don't even have the right answer anyway.

See, that was the problem. The answer was clearly the neighbors pool filter, but noooooo, the author went blathering on and on and on about it being an appetizer.

Well said good sir! I cannot tell you how many times I have strolled down the street of my hometown thinking to myself: self, you could be a hippie terrorist. Why is no one violating you right now? A disturbing thought indeed. Upon arriving in my domicile I immediately flog myself to make up for the lax efforts by…

I plan on painting my nose a bright shade of powdered white.

Because they do stupid, illegal, immoral things and always come out fine in the end; plus, I live in Shelbyville.

Get 'em young enough and it's ALL tender.

Just be careful with Dingos sneaking in and snatching your food off your grill.

Can we at least pick out our infant before consumption? Much like we already do with lobsters.

It is never too early to get children invested in the trappings of the capitalist economy, and prepare them for the lusting after objects that only money (and the jobs to earn that money) will provide.

Oh sure, we don't fear them now. But they're lulling us into a false sense of confidence. Then one day - BAM - we're saying "trousers" and letting an old British lady tell us what to do. We must be ever vigilant...

he wasn't arguing that, he was saying pc gamers are equally fish out of water on console. If there's no mouse i know i'm fucked.

MR. Montagne! This, although very sweet, is inappropriate! Your missus is a professional woman, after ALL!

I dunno, I suspect for the correct ridiculous amount of money, you too, could be insanely happy punching an open jar of Vaseline. As happy as a blind fish loving midget at a nymphomaniacs anonymous meeting...

+1 Violent [i] Femme [ii]