I was kind of hoping the money was for a swat team that would bust in and rescue her but this is really good also.

“Are you talking about me or Hillary Clinton, pumpkin?” I asked. “I’m sad because my vaginal elasticity is completely shot. I’m sad because fucking is like hitting a baseball into the Grand Canyon.”

This is fucking amazing. Jesus.

Yes they can use the top half of this pic for the articel.

500 Days?

Depends on whether he quit before or after the convention. It wouldn’t be a huge deal if he quit before the convention, because there are procedures in place for the delegates to choose a new nominee during the convention. But if he quit after the convention? That could be a huge mess as there’s not much precedence…

That was the weirdest press conference I’ve ever seen outside of the context of a gay sex scandal from a family values candidate.

“I never said six!”

As she was not saved, the Queen entered as a late sub and scored in the 88th minute.

I love when Martha plainly states she is in a bad mood right around 00:50.

Yeah these are the ones that stomp the shit out of snakes, good bird.

Secretary Bird or GTFO.

Awesome! I’ll post a picture of 9 solid inches of Shea-dong soon. I just gotta wait for my two brothers to arrive to get in the picture.

I miss when you had to draw your sex organ and mail it across the country in the hopes that the horse drawn carriage pulling your mail across the rugged, undeveloped landscape becomes waylaid by a pack of female bandits who seize the mail, find your hand drawn sex organ, and eventually track you down because, my man,…

Deadspin is clearly pro dong-Kinja.

I send them to my wife as a joke when I’m lying in bed next to her and she’s reading on her phone.

Nothing in the world makes more sense to me than “Ryan” namedropping his Droid.

Tell my motherfucking trees to get their shit together then (SoCal location).