Here's what I believe about Diphallic Dude:

Yeah, it's like his purple and pink striped suit turned a normal black for that one moment of clarity..

Going to DC soon and was just asking the wife this morning if she knew offhand what kind of cuisine DC might be known for if any — thinking maybe soul food or maybe some sort of southern (VA) + seafood (MD) hybrid shit... But, Belgian food? Seriously, that's actually a thing there?

"Marshawn, quick question: Sinking of the Titanic, what's your take on that?"

In 2001 I worked in a place where they had the soda machine rigged to give out free drinks to employees, so naturally like the rest of IT, I'd slam down 5 or 6 of that sugary shit a day (though, unlike the rest of IT, I went for the RC and Cherry Coke; Mountain Dew in that quantity is totally nasty) .. I was younger…

Little do you realize, though, those epic blowjobs are directly responsible for those two INTs to magically become roughing-the-passer penalties..

..if they managed to have an all-NFC Superbowl, that'd be some next-level rigging right there..

See, if he simply played tight end, this wouldn't be an issue...

Another bygone relic from the past... the other NWA:

But he can't wager on this knowledge #becauseJesus

Guhhhh, Jeez, dude, you have to clean off the ends of the tweezers when you try to re-pull if you want a good grip, c'mon, now.

Ah, the days when you could return a futon to Wal*Marx with interesting stains, receipt with the date suspiciously cut off, over a year after purchase, and get all cash back — if you happened upon a CS agent who couldn't care less. 1998 was some good times.

I hear Lorem Ipsum is out with a hamstring injury...

The NBA jersey designers and ugly are apparently on a first-name basis..

When lil' Arianna is a grown-up, she will be handing out this pamphlet:

So, essentially, you savored the Buttfumble. Duly noted!

Buttttt — the Buttfumble™ happened in 2012. Is the Deadspin HOF timed as when you file your taxes for the previous tax year?

(psst... 99.5%) ;)

They're book-worthy, my friend. Acid has the ability to create those otherwise ordinary moments into monumentally epic tales of glory ;) .. namely, sitting in the audience of the Price is Right, for example.. :[]