This week’s column actually solves itself.

I can’t believe Jane’s rude, snarky response to the 2nd person. “You are a child”? Like, what the fuck even? I’m 35 and sometimes I write quick emails with typos, because who the fuck cares? That doesn’t mean I’m a child. Why is Jane still writing an advice column for Jezebel?

“I believe you are a child. / right now you need to be (...) nutting all over the place.” 

I get it Katy. Sometimes I want to prematurely end my career too.

On a weekly basis I think about the young Latina who marched into my polling place in her MAGA hat, who argued when she was asked to remove it. I imagine that if I’d know what was about to happen, I would have listened to my brain’s impulse to scream, “YOU KNOW HE HATES YOU, RIGHT?” at her.

“First day, what a deal! Instead of ten years prison time I was supposed to be sentenced to, they give me a chance of freedom if I can make it through this maze. And to sweeten the deal even more, they said that once I made it out I’ll need not worry anymore about every expenses in my life. Everything will be taken…

Also, one of my favorite Beavis & Butt-Head moments is when a Nina Hagen video comes on and one of them says, “Is this Toyota Jackson?”

Ok, this guy is SO controlled by his need to be more important, more admired, more...everything, that he will engineer displays of “importance” even when eating a meal. His comments about the fiasco when Obama arrived in China and was not greeted by over the top marching bands, red carpets and virgins throwing rose…

Way back in The Day, before major internet services like this, I often joked with my friends that I should pay someone for their...services...but when they would show up I would hand them the Xbox controller instead. 

“Alright, we need to get this Halo 2 Legendary clear as quick as we can. Now this part is very…

Have men ever had to try on the red carpet? It’s good to be reminded Depp always dressed like an elderly gay windchime.

My mom and I like to exchange hilariously inappropriate greeting cards, so I always send her a silly card with something like a half naked guy on the front and his dick pops out when you open it. She’s a lesbian, so it’s not weird. Anyway, they crack her up and she displays them for a while so she can show her…

He was hiding in the bushes. Herr Asshat loves bushes. He used to grab them all the time, if I recall correctly. Or maybe it was The Bushes of Love.

He’s too dumb to hate himself. He literally cannot comprehend how bad his job is, and how bad he is at it.

What the fuck are you talking about?

I don’t know the answer to your general question by my white mother would never be OK with just a card.

I know she’s not in this video. But I just wanted any excuse to post.

I seriously keep clicking on my own post to re-watch that second gif. there is something wrong with me

That woman didn’t even bat a fucking eye at a police officer falling out of the sky. Los Santosians are hardcore!

Remove GTA V and you’ve got yourself a regular and accurate headline