"they weren't able to entirely remove the Jaguars logo"

"For now, the Cardinals have to convince themselves that they can be a Super Bowl contender with Drew Stanton running the offense."

Palmer: [signs new binding contract]

You laugh, but this guy lost eight pounds of self-respect in a week.

I learned to type on a computer and always double space after a period, except when my tablet or phone autocorrects the double space to a period plus space.

Wow, how the mighty have fallen. A year ago, he was the best running back in the NFL. And now? He's forced to cut the fabric off of his couch to make a suit for court.

James Harden: Hair should grow down out of one's face!

"As World Series MVP, Chevy would like to award you with a VAN down by the RIVER!"

"Sounded good to me."

RIP

I didn't realize there was only one note in the entire song

Of course we see this in high school games, bud. Spurs are the best JV team in England.

I bet Klemko thought the punishment was fare.

"Chelsea are not fucking around" *with teammates' girlfriends and paying for their abortions. Right John Terry?

Pursey Harvin

but you just might win gas for a year!

"Do you have a national championship ring?"