Punched his girlfriend in the face? That boy a bitch.

What cracked me up about that was I honestly don’t think he was thinking “damn, now we have the same number of rings.” I don’t think he was thinking anything at all. That was just Default Eli; lights are on but nobody is home.

All Guy Bathtime has already been trademarked by CBS as the name of their postgame locker room interview segment.

It is NOT his agent’s job to hold his hand like a 4 year old. He’s a 23 year old grown man.. Does he need help? Of course he does, he’s an alcoholic with a shit ton of enablers surrounding him. It sounds like his agent did everything he could to help him (Hell, the kid was in rehab for like four months in the…

I think there’s a case to be made for cutting ties with a client (or friend, or relative) who refuses to seek help though.

That look says, “What hath my loins wrought upon the Earth? Forgive me..."

Panton told Jezebel in an emailed statement. “Ted and I had many mutual friends who would usually stop by to watch movies, play video games, or even engage in long, fun discussions about politics, philosophy, and life.”

This was DELICIOUS to read, Ellie. Kudos.

Miller should have answered “On a pile of money, with many beautiful ladies.”

“I saw Tupac at Coachella” makes this video for me.

I expect we’ll hear an apology from him tomorrow. It’ll be Tuesdays with sorry.

#STRUNK LIFE

If my boobs looked as great as the girl in the denim blue jeans and long hair, I would walk around topless all day.

I always think of this when reading shitty comments:

Just as diarrhea is slightly superior to vomit because of its close connection to the small bowel.

You know it’s bad when the only highlight in the dirt bag is Gwyneth Paltrow.

For one thing, the cop’s shooting percentage would be sky-high.