Took my kid to our local IHOP last week after his basketball game, because IHOP is the shit when you’re ten. Since the last time we’d been there, they’d raised the drink prices, with sodas now $3.89. HOLY MARY MOTHER OF GOD! The small orange juice is also now $3.89, with the large $4.89. Fuck you, IHOP; Kids Eat Free…

Oh, shit, now I have to figure out what kinds of bears are around here.

Thank god I always resisted the urge to blow a koala.

Yeah, just like dogs, it activates their prey drive. Now with bears, it’s the opposite: you roll up into a ball and try to be as still as possible. Or, as I prefer to say, curl up and kiss my ass goodbye...

The crooked nail gets hammered down. Stupid koala.

I have several friends who live in Australia and they can’t sleep during koala mating season because they scream and fight all night. One has actually sent me audio to share with my students - it’s like cats mating to the nth power.

If you have something with you, like a bicycle or a child (not even kidding) you are supposed to pick it up and make yourself look bigger and more threatening.

Srlsy. I wanna see the receipts.

Also doesn’t mean she’s spent most of her life dealing with sexism, sexual harassment, or the daily general bullshit of growing up as female in America.

Hot felon, check it and see,

Never misses a chance to trot out those twins, does he? I don’t know why it took me so long to realize it, but everything he does is choreographed to a “t.” Please enjoy blowing Papa John full-time now, “Sherrif.”

Trump has found a role that will garner him the most attention, and he is playing the hell out of it.

I teach women in their late teens and twenties, and I make it a point to engage them in a discussion about HPV and cervical cancer at least once during the semester. I use myself as an example, having been diagnosed in my early 20's with cervical cancer. I was too old for the HPV vaccine, but not too late to save my…

You are not alone in your observations, fellow Flannery fan.

Our neighbors, dad (33), mom (31) and their daughter and son (aged 9 and 6) were killed in a car accident two weeks ago and while everyone else has been about “angels” and “thank god they’re together in heaven” I’ve spent the past two weeks angry as fuck that an entire family is GONE, for no fucking reason. I know…

As a woman, I should be offended by your use of the word “cunt,” but in this case, I think it fits. She fucks a married guy for SIX YEARS and then tries to act like some kind of victim? How old was she when she started screwing him, 18? Sorry, you fuck with a married man, you deserve whatever you get. I almost feel…

When I was a kid, and my aunts and uncles (then teenagers) would babysit me, they'd feed me sliced bananas in a big ol' bowl of Miracle Whip. Not mayo. Miracle Whip.

I am white, have hair so thick and curly you could hide a small child in it, and fly regularly. I have never, ever had my hair searched or touched by a TSA agent. Ever.

Quid pro quo, Clitoris, quid pro quo...

Yes. But I don't want to judge her by her looks, so I'll judge her by her actions and say she is, in fact, an ugly sack of shit.