"There is no thought that can scare me more"

Although I am no longer a member of the United Methodists, I am still proud to have attended a church where a black lesbian was the assistant pastor (I could be getting the term wrong, it's been a while) for several years in my thoroughly stuffy and closed-minded home town.

Don't blame the nun. It might just be a bad habit. [cue rimshot]

As a Michigan resident who loathes both Romney and Santorum, I was having a hard time deciding if I should do something to add my decidedly leftist opinion to the primary. The hateful part of me wanted to vote for Santorum just to spite the process. Thank Jeebus I heard a story on NPR Friday morning telling me that…

The great thing about making things from the ground up bones of children is that we really don't have a shortage of the little rugrats. Also, they're biodegradable!

"Oh, that reminds me of when I was living in Korea, and I kept getting ads in a suburb of Busan"

"Even if its just a dumb comment on say... the Fox website?"

On the same logic, it would be a real shame if Michelle "Crazy as a sack full of electric weasels" Bachmann were to spontaneously combust and the only way she could be saved was to have a bunch of hobos urinate on her to extinguish the flames. Except that there are no hobos around, so she just keeps burning. (Note:…

What makes you think that in 10-15 years twitter will still be relevant? 10-15 years ago, AOL, Prodigy and yahoo were all relevant; look at them now.

Lol, my statement was by no means an attempt to be scientifically rigorous. There's a long standing cliche that strip clubs are supposed to be kind of sad an depressing for pretty much everyone involved. It is just a cliche, so I'm not sure how much of that is based in truth. On the rare occasion I've visited them,…

We aim to please and/or horrify!

I gotta go with @biolady on this one. I think the general assumption of shame at the strip club is that most of the men who show up are pretty ashamed, although I'm sure there are some strippers who are also ashamed. As a society, America is fairly shame-based. (As a friend of mine once joked, "If you're not…

The trick to a good hanging is to break the neck, not choke. It would be pretty easy to use a rope in microgravity to kill yourself: standard noose with maybe 6 feet of slack, tie it off to any stable object, crouch against the stable object and push off really hard using your arms and legs to generate plenty of…

Huh, what's that loud "woosh" sound coming from slightly over your head?

By that, I assume you mean "terribly delicious."

Yes. Exactly like that. Bonus points for each kid under the age of 6 pinned under the table when you flip it.

Yeah, I don't so much have a 42" tv as I have a really huge monitor for my PC.

This photoshop project has made me realize just how out of touch with the mainstream I've become. I could only spot some of the celebrities by looking for the photoshop errors... and then spend a minute or two trying to figure out if I know who it is. It's both awesome and depressing that my ability to spot…

One of the most confusing moments in my life involved me being about as nonthreatening as I know how to make myself and an apparently terrified old Japanese lady. While living in Japan, I was meeting some friends for a drink at a surf-themed bar, and in the spirit of the place, headed downtown in a gaudy Hawiian…

Yes! If you can't find a good stake, try to get them out in the sunlight. I hear US Attorneys are vulnerable to holy water as well.... oh... you said stalk. Please ignore the previous half of this comment.