AAWWW

A friend punched herself in the eye while drunk and trying to get her bra off.

Yeah, I find it bizarre when I meet adults who only eat the ONE food, with no mental illness to account for it :/ They just ‘don’t really like’ (ie have never really tried) other foods - I assume their parents just didn’t bother making them eat anything else as children... It’s so lazy, but then again I won’t ever…

I switched to reusable bags about a year ago and I love them, because you can fit ALL THE THINGS into like 3 bags. Except on occasion I get a bagger who doesn’t know what’s up, and tries to pack them the same way they pack plastic bags, and puts just a few things in each. No, dude, load em up! (This happens more often…

yea, it’s really the quantity of ranch that squicks me out. that is just a LOT of ranch.

Until your last sentence, that almost sounded like a breath of fresh air.

Right? I mean, maybe one time. Maybe one. But repeatedly, and once it gets all creased and super greasy? Nah. And she wasn’t even subtle about it. She’d keep it folded up in her purse, and when she got to the head of the line she would pull it out and pop it open like she was so pleased that she was gaming the system.…

She didn’t even have a salad, it was just for dipping her fries! As a ranch dressing hater, I found the entire thing really upsetting.

It was. It is almost as gross as my coworker now who is ranch obsessed. Last time we were out to lunch, she made the poor server bring her side of ranch in a soup cup. That is 8 ounces of ranch. VOM.

It’s just so stupid and pathetic :P

So this weekend I decided to treat myself to breakfast at the cafe around the corner. After quickly perusing the menu I settled on a simple sausage, egg, and cheese bagel. The waitress brought it to my table along with a delicious latte and I bit into it... only to discover they put some sort of horrific mayo-like…

When i worked at Panera, there was a girl who worked across the street and she would come in every day to get a small americano in an XL cup, 6 pumps caramel and fill the rest of the cup with whipped cream (about 2/3rds of the cup) and then more caramel drizzled on top. Insanity.

I got quite a look today from the Starbucks guy when I ordered a grande iced cafe latte. ‘So...you know that will just be a couple of shots, milk, and ice?’ ‘Yes, that’s exactly what I want.’ I would like my breakfast drink to taste of coffee...not pumpkin spice chocolate salted caramel marshmallow graham cracker…

All I know is that with these hotflashes, all hot things turn into instant sweat. Maybe I’m not quite old enough yet for decimated tastebuds. Wow. Another thing to look forward to.

Soon, we’ll be able to start tracking her movements. We can tag her, follow her by satellite, and monitor her migration patterns. We will learn how many are in her herd, and if they’re collecting the core materials of caramel to bring back to their home habitats.

They never took a doggie bag home and they never touched Golem Jesus’s meal.

If it’d been a bear, the second half of that story would’ve incorporated poop.

Cool. This one time, I was camping and it was dark. I turned off my lamp and squatted to #PEE somewhere in the trees. Started to get that feeling somebody’s watching me and heard a distinct... lapping??? noise? So I spun around with my pants down and there was a deer drinking my #PEE straight from the tap, under my…

I have a fleur de lis on my wrist that I got pretty much just because I like it, but I tell people I’m in a gang. A gang of 17th century French aristocrats. We’re called the Crêpes.

I have 7 tattoos and only 1 has meaning to me. I HATE when people ask about them and then get confused when I say I got them just because I wanted that certain design.