Well, thanks for enlightening us, Dave Coulier! But would she go down on you in a theater?

Strangely enough, the overwhelming majority of men have difficulty locating this statue.

No, I didn’t, thank goodness. I don't live in the area they mailed to. I just saw this woman on the news who was so much like me and got that in the mail and she was crying and I had to say something to the assholes.

Yeah, I’d always lived in very liberal areas, so that first year it was quite a shock to see the “dead fetus” right next to the prize-winning pies. Seriously, what a bizarre juxtaposition. They always stick a couple of 11-12year old blonde girls on the booth so that nobody flips out at them. It's really gross and…

The answer is none. You should order an iced americano with an extra shot of espresso.

As the existing frappuccino flavors are all way too sweet for me, I am mostly just fascinated that the existing level of sweet is so inadequate for so many that a secret menu emerged to create this many more flavors. I’ll stick to my iced americano.

Nope, none of these. Absolutely not.

These all sound like diabetes in a plastic cup.

I really try not to call people with opposite views of mine dumb. Like, I get it, we all have different perceptions of the world, different experiences to shape our world view, blahblahblah.

It’s a willful ignorance.

Social conservatives are just plainly some of the dumbest people on the planet. Every iota of evidence flies in the face of their views, yet their ability to perform the mental gymnastics necessary to confirm their bias is constantly without fail.

and then I know not to hire these people

I read this too quickly and thought there was a version called fuck, marry or watch Tosh.O because that sounds like worse than death or moving on.

I also have commiserated with cashiers over the triple threat: tampons, advil, symphony bars.

HAHHAHAHAHAHHA

I used to work in a grocery store and lived the reverse of that so many times. I was a teenage girl, and sometimes men would come in and buy tampons or pads. They would try to hide them under a newspaper, or one of the other item. Some of them would keep the box in their coat and then try to quickly hand it to me when…

Yes. I remember during one of my first periods I was walking down the street with my mom and I had a question about periods and she shushed me and told me there were some men around and that I did not want men to know I was on my period. I was confused and the shame definitely stayed with me. An ex-boyfriend would not…

What the fuck are you talking about? Women don't poop. We're angels sent from heaven to please boners and make sandwiches. We're pretty and sweet. Not animals who do things so crass as poop!

I hide all my deepest darkest secrets in my tampon. I know they’ll be safe from prying maneyes in there.

I might have been embarrassed as a young teenager, but geez. Grownups, and all that. We pee, we poop, we bleed.