Oh God that’s terrible.

My parents weren’t at my wedding, but my mother did decide that calling me to tell me that after that afternoon I would no longer be part of the family was a good idea. I politely told her it had been nice knowing her and hung up. My husband called her back and asked her if she had really thought her actions through…

I always wonder what my family would have been like had my father and his brother and sister cut their mother out of our lives.

By text is shitty as well. I dated the same guy for seven years and still sat down and broke up with him to his emotionally and verbally abusive face.

One guy had his best friend dump me for him. The worst I did was toss his spare car key at him. WTF with these guys?

Saturday night was a late night for my household so we woke up late and decided that Sunday breakfast should be something from the local Hardee’s drive through. Upon our return home our food was overcooked to the point of being inedible. The last thing my groggy, caffeine-deprived self wanted to do was head back out…

Doesn’t it just? I still occasionally try to figure out what exactly was supposed to be funny about that “joke” after 20+ years, and I’m still at a loss.

My husband and I did that for our wedding dinner, but it was a party of five so we even sat at a standard table.

People in Wisconsin. They also have wedding receptions in bowling alleys.

That is what caused me to realize that most of the adults in my life were just hopelessly stupid.

I remember that! Because I spent hours trying to understand how a human being can misunderstand the word “joke” so utterly that “ordering a sandwich without bread” fits the definition in their addled mind.

Change cigarettes to cigars, and I’m all over that.

Me too!

You deserve a universe of stars for that reference.

I did that once also and holy fuck did it hurt.

Is there any other time to eat at Waffle House?

Dry weddings (and family events) are why I have so many flasks.

I honestly would love that for my mother because all she’ll tell me when I ask what she wants is that I don’t have to get her anything at all. That. Is. A. Lie. A complete fucking lie.

Not that I’m aware of...maybe.

They did that while sober?