the guy who spends far too many minutes deliriously rubbing the completely wrong spot in a frenetic and possibly painful manner breathing “Cum for me baby is that it do you like that”.

If you try reading for comprehension you’ll notice that she said the customer cops an attitude not the server. The part in bold is where the customer is speaking slowly and spelling out the words because she assumes the server is an idiot.

I just don’t see how my preference for a well-trimmed goatee or Van Dyke over completely clean shaven or full beards is a feminist issue.

My husband’s ex is like that. She actually flipped out when I bought a book about male puberty at a library sale for my stepson. She also once asked us why he was suddenly taking such long showers; it took both of us staring blankly at her for her to finally get what he was doing in there for so long.

It’s only scratchy if they don’t condition it properly.

I love a well maintained and trimmed beard or goatee.

How is liking or not liking beards a feminist issue?

She started again, but slower and with a little more attitude. “So you don’t have Lo Mein? You know like L-o M-e-I-n?”

I seriously doubt they wanted those girls or anyone like them to ever come to their restaurant again. Sometimes losing a repeat customer is the best thing that can happen for business.

I get that all the time, and it’s one of the reasons I’m looking for a new job with “no answering main phone line” as one of my requirements.

I always feel sorry for kids who have parents like that.

I can’t even make a snarky comment to that one because Ipecac is some dangerous shit.

I really need to know why your aunt is on the Health Department’s caller ID.

And knowledge of how to use them correctly.

Quiet in bed can be good if you don’t want to wake up the group you’re camping with. I may or may not know this from experience, and I may or may not be the reason everyone in the campsite woke up that night.

I love you for that!

Don’t feel bad. I understood the reference.

Ewww! That’s just ewww! I find all of that “purity” bullshit demeaning and gross, but that crap about protecting her heart makes me want to vomit.

My mother spent my entire childhood telling me that shit. Lucky for all of my boy/girlfriends I didn’t believe her.

- Sarcasm as 1st, 2nd, and 3rd language