I don’t like to read in the tub because I’m afraid I’ll harm my books. The concept of putting a hot tub in a library makes my heart hurt.

There was a hot tub... beneath the bed? These people just adored a soggy mattress. A mattress but make it soggy. What the fuck.

Speaking of names... “Doodles”?!!

“...and peeing after sex.” 

“I wish I could staple a free college diploma under every one of your chairs,” she added, voice somber. “I wish I could do that, but I have to be straight with you and tell you the truth.”

Obligatory:

Rampant objectification and abuse of women at a company that makes its money adorning the object of your manly affections?

I read your entire comment in the voice of Rod Serling, and pictured him holding a cigarette while speaking into the camera...

This is the kind of shit that gives me anxiety attacks. Like my brain is finally telling me it’s lost all its recognitive powers, and is only really keeping the long sack of meat it’s been damned to be attached to alive solely for the sake of tradition.

Seconded!

You may be missing out on some fine writing...

I’ll allow it. We’ll call it the Watterson Exemption. 

Yes. My brother-in-law, who works in middle management ala Office Space, fancied himself an aspiring writer for a time. I spent almost two years dodging his attempts to get me to read his satirical political novel/work in progress. 

I am 300% certain that Tony was named Tyrone in the first draft.

time a’ day ... taike... waive ... yer... ya ... been ta .... Neithah ... Aye”

“Scott, you are a good person, and you would make a wonderful father,” and “You will feel so blessed one day.”

He’s the guy who says something stupid and when you try to tell him why gets so mad he doesn’t even pay attention. He’s just spending the entire time thinking about his great comeback.

“I said that I thought it didn’t make any sense that somehow women’s liberation became about birth control. I said it seems like women sold out, because if they really wanted change, they should have changed society to fit them, rather than changing themselves to fit into society.”

Mass transit is evil socialism but giving billions and billions to private sector leeches who will do nothing with it to actually help the problem is fine.

The takeaway here is that Drew may once again be blogging from his mother’s basement.