Who’s going to foot the bill for the damages?

Fuck Andy Cohen for coming up with this shit and then for repeating it over and over.

FWIW, I tried to find this without the cake.

He seems to continually be asking after the gym. Tired people might not want to have sex. Like she fell asleep and that seems to be evidence her movie watching wasn't stopping her from having sex. But its evidence she might not have the energy.

i think hes best off with a fleshlight...

I've been trapped in Excel spreadsheet hell all week; this joke pleases me immensely ^_^

I have invited Fivethirtyeight.com data journalist Reuben Fischer-Baum to discuss this spreadsheet and what it may indicate about the sexual prowess of the guy who made it.

If you're having girl problems, I feel bad for you son

"Honey, how do you expect me to get in the mood if you don't even have colored drop-down selections for column B?"

If this guy wanted to get really anal, he'd probably be turned down for that too.

When I was a kid the street I lived on was 25 mph and one of our neighbors complained to the cops that people were speeding down our street. A couple days later she got pulled over on our street for speeding.

If she was black, there wouldn't be a story.

I hope someone archives this and pulls it out when she's the one speeding through neighborhoods.

Nobody was going 85. The girl drew a picture with cars on the street. She assigned each of them a speed in the picture. For one of the cars she assigned it a speed of 89. This does not represent the literal speed of any of the cars on the road. I doubt the 5 year old owns and operates a radar gun.

Quite.

cute five year old needs to stop snitching on the community

Parents of 5 year old adorable moppet use child as surrogate to gain something they aren't sympathetic enough to get for themselves.

THIS. Maria, exactly. That was my reaction to the Jason Biggs story. I don't want him off Twitter! I think he should stay there and keep showing the world what the other side of those "funny people" in Hollywood really is.

Tee hee!

Gymnasts never stopped wearing scrunchies. And hair glitter. And hair pins. And very bright colors. Gymnasts live in the 90's.