ALL OF YOU PEOPLE HERE NEED TO STOP DRIVING ON THE PHONE. please, before you T-bone someone.

I don’t want to see any more articles about this bullshit ever again.

I survive on tempeh and love and my skin has never looked better.

“It just can’t be good to put all those chemicals on our bodies all the time,” Now that’s science and reasoning!

You left out all the quotes where these women talk about how now they’re going to bankroll their assaults into houses and fame.

I hope Whoopi Goldberg has saved her cash, because she too will be unemployable when her contract expires. She is vile.

The Jared Leto Tattooed Joker has gone far enough. No more tattoos on Batman!

The amount of the public still supporting him is substantial. His celebrity pals ought to be fucking ashamed. Whoopi Goldberg’s flippant joke about qualude use in the 80’s should have gotten her fired. They all knew this was going on, all of them. They are moral cowards.

Peter Piper picked a peck of prick pics.

Don’t do it, man! Save some money for the divorce-moon!

Is it ... undulating to the national anthem? What a patriot!

Can someone, pretty please, conduct a study about the women who buy hook line and sinker into these marketing schemes that eventually become a Thing(tm)You(tm)Have(tm)To(tm)Have(tm)For(tm)Your(tm)SpecialDayofSnowflakery(tm)?

Does it count if you go sit in front of a nearby body of water with a 6-pack and chill together? Because I plan to moon it up like that. $7.99 + gas.

In the insect world, there are instances where the females have what is pretty much a legit penis with the flow rate reversed, males have a vagina-like structure, and sexual intercourse involves the female penetrating the males.

Cookie dough is like the veal of baked goods; young, tender, and delicious.

“EAT YOUR SHAME CREATIONS IN SOLITUDE LIKE THE REST OF US, FREAK!”*

Paula Deen’s entire career is based on this simple yet accurate principle.

I’ve been working on improving my cooking skills for the past year. This resulted in a very tearful conversation with my husband, where I had to explain that if I was going to spend 8 hours in the kitchen making ravioli from scratch at his request, he could at least take a fucking bite before drowning it in Sriracha.

V…

They’re both terrible decisions. I give the edge to medium venison guy. Putting salt and pepper on it IN FRONT OF THE CHEF? That is so so bad. It’s not even the way it was ordered that is the worst part. Salting and peppering something without even tasting it is insulting, much less covering the damned thing. My drunk…