Yeah there are a lot of things that I thought were strange/bad parenting until I actually had a monster-toddler living in my own house.

Perhaps it’s from “The Awful Truth”?

Thank you! I enjoy using make-up, but how did doing full vaudeville grease-paint become normalized as ones daily regime?

Save your money and just buy the regular for men store brand minoxidil. The formulation is stronger.

That's why I don't have a blog, no one wants to take dictation for my genius musings on modern life:(

Well, they do call it deadly nightshade for a reason.

As a frequent and vigorous hand washer I fully support you. Hands, they are touching things all of the time. Wash your filthy paws off please! It grosses me out so much to see grown women use the bathroom and sally right past the sink that I really have to fight the urge to call them out.

I’ll take a small beer gut with a proportional body over a relatively thinnish/average torso with a flat ass and tiny chicken legs any day. It’s bizarre to me that the weight bearing portion of so many men’s bodies can remain so spindly.

That does look de-luxe as fuck. I only remember Toast of New York so well because I insisted on wearing it because the cool girls did, even though it looked ugly as hell on me. As my red-haired mother in the eighties would say, “You can try all you want, but you will never turn a Winter into a true Autumn.”

Stop keeping that Xanax in your purse prison. It just wants to be hi-bye friends with that delicious cab.

Hell no! That's Toast of New York for sure.

Yeah, I know plenty of people who successfully breast feed, do lots of stroller walking, and maybe some yoga/Pilates/whatevs to strengthen their core and manage to pretty closely resemble themselves ante-baby.

One of the very best things to come out of my LTR with a doctor was the instant swag he gave me about my genitals. IE, “yeah, you’ve got really good sized labia. I mean your labia are analogous to a penis shaft, so if you were a man you would definitely have a pretty sizable dick. Cool, right?”

Ok, the lips I understand, but please explain to me how one is able to have the appearance of much more upper lid area, while having simultaneously fuller brows?!?!

Lanolin has been recognized as being allergenic and a cause of contact dermatitis for over a century. If you are suffering from peeling, bleeding lips, please don’t ever use this as a cure.

Neosporin, with a layer of Vaseline(or if you prefer the same product with a fancy name, Aquaphor). The Neosporin helps with healing all of the micro-cracks, the Vaseline seals in all of your skins moisture. I have the peeliest lips on earth and this works.

Oh hallelujah! I’m so excited about Mishi Box. I really loved memebox, but now they’ve gotten to the point where I try to purchase the very exciting box that they’ve emailed me about stat and it’s always already sold out like within an hour?! What’s the point of that? I had to go back to binge purchasing from my…

Yuck! The original settings were actually probably lovely compared to these 1980’s looking atrocities.

Right? I've decided that people have decided to be willfully obtuse regarding ice-cream nomenclature.

No worries! My rack’s got 99 problems but a pun ain't one