My mom’s new husband is my dad’s little brother. (No lie)

Is there a list for UncleDaddy gifts? Besides lots of wine and therapy for me?

Advertisers left. Fox had to pay a bunch of women he harassed. And Fox had to hire investigators and lawyers. Just using your words, Bill. They’re your words.

30000% here for how weird Noel is going to make things.

Because my mom went through a phase where she kept a little bag around her neck with her ‘power objects’ inside... a crystal, a buffalo head nickel, a piece of porcelain... and apparently my dad’s dried foot skin.

Let me put it to you this way. Pentatonix is like if Mannheim Steamroller and ABBA got together and made not-very-bright babies.

I can’t stand it I know ABC planned it
But I’m gonna set it straight, this Carey-gate
I can’t stand Dick Clarks new years rocking eve when I’m in there
Because your New years ball ain’t so New years clear
So while you sit back and wonder why
I got this fucking dancer by my side.

They may have done a blocking rehearsal (for dance). But, I really don’t know. There very well could have been a sound check and still been an issue with her in-ear monitors later in the night. It’s a pretty technical process with a lot of potential points of failure.

Donald Trump is Jenna Maroney.

Brad Pitt’s never done it for me.

I was about 10-11 yrs old and hated every moment of being in India...we would go every other summer from the States to visit my extended family of cousins, uncles, grandparents). It was a hot summer day and one of the few joys I got was eating Pani-Puris (It consists of a round, hollow puri-fried crisp and filled…

I was holding my 6 month old nephew in church when he suddenly pulled the neck of my clothing and vomited down inside my blouse. I just can’t tell you the feeling of warm vomit sliding down your breasts and stomach as you make a hasty retreat down a church aisle while everybody’s eyes track your movements.

Mine haunts me to this day although it happened when I was in a senior in high school. Still revisits me in technicolor.

Tremendous piece of work here, Dave. This is the sort of writing I read Deadspin for in the first place.

Dave, thank you for doing this. From our conversations, I have a sense of how much time you spent on this. I believe your aim was true and your heart was pure. As I read this, I am both angry and sad. Sad for what happened to my friend. Angry that I only knew of her condition after she had passed, when it was too late…

I was out of town and the water at the hotel was down. A pipe had burst or something. I was in desperate need of a bm but didn’t want to use the toilet at the hotel and just leave my stuff in an unflushable toilet. So my solution was to go to the nearest Walmart and use their bathroom. I go to Walmart, walk briskly to…

What? You don’t like to chat while you’re pinching a growler?