Maybe the opener should have read:

Right?! I was and there would be nothing left to do except lick the ice cream off of the floor, which would be a disgusting, desperate thing to do while drunk and I haven’t been that drunk in a really, really long time.

1. I’m glad Yoko is back to being Yoko.

Get your RED LETTERS here! Get ‘em here! Prices dropping all the time!

Swipe right for ‘Real’ Mayonnaise. Swipe left for Miracle Whip.

I read the headline and thought, “Utah. It’s gotta be Utah.” Idaho was my second choice. I was right. It doesn’t surprise me that a place that thinks postum is an adequate substitute for coffee would subscribe to such a service.

Axe. It’s definitely gotta be AXE. You should get some AXE.

Absolutely A D O R A B L E.

Only if there are carnitas involved. Otherwise, no deal, Mr. Cleanse.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!! Thank you!

OOOOoooooo. It looks like it can be streamed from the BBC, but... ugh not in the U.S. Why does the BBC hate the U.S.? Why?

Reminds me of Christmas dinner. Oi vey.

Wilmer, Good Day. I said, Good Day.

Word. I work with high schoolers and sometimes I wonder if the overuse of Axe body spray and generic equivalents damages brain cells.

bcitwldbebettertohaveagarbledlineofmessagewithoutpunctuationorspacesbe

And a bad cologne should never be sprayed. Nor should Axe.

He’s totally holding her down in the balloon pic.

I was sure this was going to be about succotash, a dish consisting mostly of dry lima beans. Always dry lima beans. Maybe there is ham in it; maybe there isn’t. I hate succotash. I’m sure the recipes out there include instruction to find the dryest lima beans possible.

I was going to guess ‘penis’.

I think the question is, indeed, rhetorical. As you have all established, it is truly one that does not need to be asked.