Baseball doesn’t even have a mechanism for getting the exciting young prospects who WANT to play into the majors, hence why we won’t see Vlad Jr until May 

> Yes, the games take slightly less time than it takes for dinosaurs to become petroleum.

After all the stink with getting Davis fined for self-tampering and then spite-tampering the Lakers, if Demps and NO tried to pull Davis out, Silver would be ready to send their act to Seattle tomorrow.

“hey there Goggle, find a recipe for pie, a-yuh”

It’s like if Pod Save America Bros worked at Barstool Sports.

“I’ve been there, Lavar. You went in with dreams that you’d be the architect of something grand, but now you’re feeling trapped and just aching to see your son go somewhere that will let him stretch his wings like you truly believe he can. I know that story, Lavar. I’ve lived it. So believe me when I tell you, one dad…

I don’t understand the narrative that people doubted this team could win. I don’t think anyone doubted that. I think far more people were resigned to that fact, disgusted by the inevitability, but no one doubted it.

The problem with the Knicks scenario you outline there is that it leaves Davis stranded on the Island of Misfit Toys, when he’s already said he wants to go somewhere where he can win a championship (and evidently has said he wants to go to the Lakers specifically).

Given the fact that men have begun lighting women’s cars on fire because Cosplayers won’t love them, I’m not so sure I’ve got as big a problem with this list as I would normally have.

Sort of the sports media version of Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?

If it took you until 2019 and watching this documentary to realize the R.kelly was a pervert and that you should purge his music from your life then you are part of the problem

don’t forget this classic:

Hmmm. I view them as more prone to St.-Louis-Cardinals-”right-way”-ism.

• FELL OFF TOILET, FELL ONTO A MOUSE TRAP, TRAP CLOSED ON PENIS

If you see my wife, tell her “Hello”.

Except for the part where they would've been weeded out by Clemson earlier than tonight

The Seahawks are successful because most of the defenses are built to defend the pass-heavy offenses throughout the NFL. Most defensive front sevens are lightweight, fast, and built to rush the QB or cover the TE/WRs, not hold off a 320lb OL before tackling a hard-hitting RB. Seattle has road-grader offensive linemen…

What was “The Kinja Caffeine Spider” doing “victim blaming in the AV Club comments”?

United Soccer Marketing keeps adding pretentious English and European sounding nomenclature to everything because that is, overwhelmingly, what American soccer fans want: the cool sophistication of wearing a Kappa track suit an FC Whatever scarf with a coat of arms on it, chattering in impenetrable jargon about how…

Theory: It is impossible for a Pats fan to write more than 5 words about the Pats without coming across as completely insufferable. Hey, so sorry because of a run of unprecedented success you have to deal with some people who don’t like the team the same way you do. Must be really fucking difficult!