9 is mean. And true.

I don't think Peyton Manning wants to play anymore. 

‘they ate the DJ' is an incredible band name.

Billy is Deadspin’s Colin Cowherd please don’t @ me

Why, do the boxes taste better? 

That’s the reason Idina Menzel—a huge star on Broadway but not necessarily a household name TV/Movie actress—got cast in Frozen, and the reason why it paid off a zillion times over.

The soccer comments are dickish because Billy has been told the same complaints about his writing over and over and over for years - enough with the ridiculous paragraph-long run-on sentences, the use of fourteen paragraphs to make an incredibly banal point that could have been made in two sentences, the constant…

No way anyone would believe that stupid name.

In her defense, she was BORN here! She knows that counts. 

He should do another made up team like the “Houston Texans” next.

Nashville is the spiritual home of every suburban girl who claims to be “country at heart” because she owns cowboy boots and her parents are racist.

Any place called HAM LAKE should be the Nation’s capital at the very least. 

He looks like a middle-aged convert to the Church of the Religious Consciousness giving you a flower at a train station. 

Pure, uncut condescension has staying power. Just yesterday I got a rise out of someone at the airport with a well-placed “back of the line’s over here, chief.”

Grey is 100% better than losing it. 

Sometimes I feel like gray is better than losing it though? Like I know your hair is changing to the Color of Advanced Age, but at least you have hair! And then there are the poor saps who don’t bald symmetrically. 

I love swearing. A properly placed “fuck this fucking fuck” is so satisfying as an emotional release, I say it regularly as a way to avoid therapy.

I will admit though that there is something so heinously hilarious about non-expletive insults when you’re insulting another person, that sometimes it’s the superior move…

As a Bucs fan, I know I shouldn’t but I do feel a lot of sympathy for teams like the Lions (even though they were NFC Norris rivals for decades) and the Browns and even the Bills from time to time (maybe even the Jets when I’m feeling especially forgiving).

The last time this team won a playoff game, the first person to interview the head coach & QB was a black-glove-wearing OJ Simpson.