Doesn’t anyone just smoke a bowl anymore? I mean, pack one up, hit it and pass it around? Does EVERYTHING have to be the Latest Greatest Technical Gee Gaw? I mean it’s WEED, a substance that makes anything harder than flipping the LP over on a turn table damn near impossible.

Does your wife know he went to Harvard? 

Please tell me it involves cosplay where your wife wears this outfit:

I’ve sold monorails to Gang Mills, Lawrenceville, and Elkland, and by gum, it put them on the map!

My wife and I have been looking for a spark in the bedroom, and surprisingly it was also Ryan Fitzpatrick. 

Cheez Whiz is a war crime.

China: [fires Rockets]

Chip would prefer to coach the Whiteskins though

Sort of tangential, but The xx are very good

When I was heavy into my emo music phase (don’t ask) the band Brand New was a bitch to google. 

The evidence is on a server in Ukraine.  Many people are saying it.

The fact that he gave the staff some love and hugs, and not just teammates and coaches, is classy.

Used exclusively cloth diapers for two kids with no problems. While they were still on breast milk only it wasn’t even really gross. Once they graduated to solid foods we used the flushable liners which kept the diapers themselves (and so the washing machine) almost shit-free anyway. If there was a particularly bad one…

The most underrated band of the ‘90s was Poop Towel.

Maybe if you didn’t wear 4-6 shirts to bed you would not sweat so much at night.

People who complain about “we” fans are the worst. Your take is 75 years old, and yet everybody acts as if they’re in his prime George Carlin when they fire off the O RLY? burn.

i think it’s fine as long as the fans are just talking about on-field accomplishments. “We win” or “we lost” is perfectly fine. The moment someone starts using we in reference to front office decisions, the culture of the team, or charity done by the team, I know that person is delusional.

Now he’ll sign with the goddamn Patriots and we all won’t be laughing anymore.

[cue audience hooting and hollering]

Sir, I own every Tool record and a Derek Jeter rookie card, so nuts to you