All I want is to be able to legitimately look down on the Bills again.

Lol, I wrote this and I’m dumb, never write emails high kids, or else you will be ripped to shreds by internet commentators. 

We are the retirement community of the NFL

There was talk of Fitz going to the MN Vikings (like there is every year) so that he can play for the team he grew up cheering for.  It obviously never happened probably because going to the Vikings would be like trading a ‘96 Ford Taurus for a ‘96 Chevy Lumina.  Either way, you are going to hate yourself.

Irish guy loves Boston, hates San Francisco, millions SHOCKED. 

So you’re telling the idiots to add a moat to their Mexico wall?

I shower every day, but I may only shampoo my hair twice a week.  

At first i thought you were talking about your dog trampolining, and I was confused. 

That was su-su sussudio good.  have a star.

Dear Penthouse,

I live in Oregon but once you get outside of Portland, Eugene and Bend we’re overrun with proudly uneducated white supremacist MAGAts. Though the same can be said for Washington anywhere outside of Seattle. I haven’t been to Idaho but I heard Cour d’Alane and areas up north are beautiful and Boise is really nice but…

“Go ahead and sleep in, we don’t have any plans today.”

I’m with Megan. There is no amount of hamberders that could convince me to be in the same room as that racist shitbag.

But the important thing here is that since Drew is gone, I can state for the record that the official stance of the Funbag is now that mayonnaise is awesome and delicious and one of our finest condiments and makes just about everything better. Mayo forever.

I frequently cheer when we get shade thrown on us because Canadians are constantly on their high horses about being superior to Americans, while ignoring all the shit that goes on in this country,

“Hey man, free shoes!” -Jim Tomsula 

It’s a lawless zone where social norms can touch you. I’d go as far as to say that the elusive pre-9am, pre-vacation beer is one of the more Elite Beers in existence.

That’s very insulting. No self-respecting Canadian, or even representative of Canada, is going to drink god-damn Labatt’s.

(Handing you his torso doll) “I already did, man.”