I’ve mounted a TV before

Chocolate and peanut butter is delicious. Chocolate and orange can get fucked. 

You and Drew aren’t reading enough Skillet. Go ask Claire and she’ll tell you the right answer, Duck Fat.

Youth today - they had no idea what we had to go through to rub one out.

Thank you for your input, Rick Moranis.

I can probably put up with the prices at a football game, the interminable time-outs, etc. But if I’ve had a bad time at a football game, what inevitably ruins it for me is other fans, the loudmouths who think everyone needs to hear how funny they are or who think the players can hear them so when they yell “Throw the…

What about the SCTV alumni?

I really enjoy the idea of anyone getting worked up over either guy’s catalogue. 

What kind of awful people would own an organization and then screw over people so badly?

“Lionel Pimpin” was also the reason the Commodores broke up

I mean duh, come on--only savages eat raw onions.  But sauteed onions are one of the best things ever.

The thought of her just ruined any joy I had from watching this video.

Laura Ingraham: “Shut up and dribble! You’re (over)paid to be a basketball player; not an art critic!”

the greek freak, in athletic chic, found her artwork to be on fleek and rather unique, and said so, from behind his table made of teak, which caused a tear to run down her check.

See, the mind starts going at this age too.

Youthful Sean McVay would probably kick some ass, though I wouldn’t want to face Belichick. I’d love to watch Jason Garrett get his ass kicked several times...

When I was little, I would rub a small amount of toothpaste on my tongue to beat the breath smell test, and it worked. There were layers and thought put into the lie.

There was a guy in my freshman dorm like this. World of Warcraft guy who seemed to think that the 5-10 minutes spent in the shower were 5-10 minutes not playing the game. His roommate ended up going to the Hall Director and saying he couldn’t physically be in the room because his roommate smelled so bad. They ended up…

You know Ivanka Trump keeps a six pack of $20 marshmallows in her desk drawer in the White House. She opens the drawer at least 27 times a day and looks forlornly at them, reminiscing on simpler times. Then, on the 28th occasion, she gently removes one from the package, holds it to her eyes like she’s looking at the…

basket of tea