Look at Bill Gates over here with a keyboard.

What the everloving fuck is that email of the week.

Well, one of their biggest cities is named “Gary.” That’s kind of funny...

Obligotary:

I’m a Bengals fan, and everything you say is correct. Burfict is a shitstain who should be out of the league.

Looks like Plano, Texas is 69th.

....

A couple of years ago I moved to Oakland and decided that it wouldn’t be terrible if I rooted for the local home team when I wasn’t busy rooting for my real home team - the Eagles. I reasoned that they’d just signed some legitimately morally upstanding talent in the off season and maybe they were making a turn around…

Absolute truth. St. Louis pizza, and I use that word under protest in this instance, is just garbage.

Connecticut pizza is the best. Chicago deep dish “pizza” is not pizza. It’s a casserole. It’s a fucking awesome casserole, but it’s not pizza. 

To each their own ... as long we are all in agreement that St. Louis pizza belongs in the trash can.

just keep your marinara layer cake in Chicago where it belongs, huh?

You mention of Hollywood Squares but fail to include the ultimate center square, the one and only Shadoe Stevens?

When did they start installing turf in migrant children’s detention centers?

Most definitely. “And that, dear Drew, is the story of how I almost punched a nun” is without question the best sentence ever written on Deadspin. 

Most fan submissions are try-hard or repeat the same crap but that one got me laughing 

To be fair, how could the Hornets turn down this offer for the #13 pick?

A Bears fan looks at that list and says “I see no problem here.”

My star goes to Craig:

By Iron Man Triathlon do you mean watching all three Iron Man movies while consuming weed in a different form for each? Because if so, HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.