“By the way, Shanahan is so cocksure of his own playcalling that he didn’t bother to bring an offensive coordinator on staff.”

My favorite part of the Niners’s downfall is it’s entirely self inflicted. They drove out a good coach who had a good quarterback (who was benched and pushed out) and they fucked up a perennial good team with lots of talent (and young talent!) to this disaster. They had what was quite literally the perfect situation…

“The dogs then went on to defeat the A’s 5-3.”

Re: brewery guy who doesn’t want kids around

No.

I think anyone who has seen the movie Commando has fantastized about robbing a gun store and considered that upon reading this mailbag. It’s the first thing I thought of and I’m very anti-gun.

The dreaded Two-Day Hangover. Kids in their 20s can’t even comprehend that they exist.

So long as I’m crying about my life, can I eschew the wooden spoon for some buttered toast? Because that is the best delivery system ever for stuffing my word hole full of Kraft Mac.

- The best berry is the Marionberry because it’s laced with crack cocaine.

Maybe not but we could have CRUSHED Tom Sawyer.

And thus he reserves his spot for an episode of Deadly Women on Investigation Discovery.

definitely law and order SVU, but not because of some weird fetish shit (which may be a factor) but way more because it’s Always. Fucking. On.

And on multiple channels at that.

The chances of spending a half hour heavy petting and getting worked up and suddenly hearing that music is about 50/50.

This might bruise his ego, but he cam longer abuse the notion of being an every-down RB; he may need to switch professions or at least branch out into different aspects of football.

And the LAKES! Coeur d’Alene and Priest are both the tits.

Or you could be like me and just find cake generally disgusting.

Alternatively: The cake is a lie.

In my SoCal suburb I have many, many neighbors with avocado trees. We have a lemon, an orange and a guava tree. My neighbors and I swap with what we have. To the point that my across the street neighbor will ask for a couple of lemons while holding out a bag of avocados me. This is how being neighborly works.

This happens all the time with my building’s recycling bottle tree, as well as our FedEx-left-it-at-the-front-door tree.

Bert and Ernie are muppets, not Muppets. Any puppet that came out of Jim Henson’s workshop is a muppet, but only those appearing on the Muppet Show are proper noun Muppets. It’s not a hard distinction, folks.

You know who can’t enjoy theater jungle gyms? Harambe.