Bugs? Are you kidding me? Please.

Boomer Esiason stirred some shit

AHLAHRT THA FAHTHAHS AWF THA CHUHRCH TAH SEE IF SAINT TAWMMY HAS LEFT AWHS AHH MIRAHCAL!!!

When I was little, my sisters invited me to play hide and seek with them. I was super excited because they never wanted to do anything with me. However they had spent hours recording themselves on cassette tapes saying things like “over here!” “getting warmer” or “mikey, come and find us”. They then hide the tapes in…

It looks like a bunch of aliens masquerading as humans after watching a few dozen television shows.

That’s kind of you. K-I-N-D kind of you.

Again, don’t talk about what they’re feeling or what the underlying cause of their anxiety might be. Empathize with their situation and focus on getting them through the situation.

I did a spit take when I heard this. Thanks for calling bullshit. Hearing a rich guy who announces football games for a living complain about taxes makes me dust off my guillotine.

Whatever season you're not currently in is the best.

Splorts News Without Access, Favor, or Discretion.

I thought I was drunk for a second while reading this comment before I understood it

The NFL’s official twitter messages are even lamer than I had imagined. Damn, I got this Deadspin commenting thing DOWN. Hilarious comment to get everyone through the work day? Yes, please. Greys? Don’t tell me I should be in the greys. I’m too busy writing this comment.

+1 great white wail

GINGER DICK
by Herman Smelville

It was cruel of him to give her exactly what she asked for and then specifically warn her it was hot?

You and I have very different definitions of the word “cruel.”

THE CAPTION

I would do anything for meatloaf, but I won’t do that.

I thought the same thing! But I did find this.

THIS. The only way this story could’ve been more insufferable is if somebody made a “500 Days of HitchBOT” series out of it.