POOTS! PANT BOOTS!

They had to keep reminding Chris Pratt to not make “pew” noises on the set of Guardians.

Then I demand a raise. And a BJ.

And this is exactly why my dad made me learn how to change my own tire, he knew I’d never be able to count on a man to do it for me.

I can think of 56 things right now that would taste better than skinny feels, starting with sharing this pizza with this BAMF kitteh.

1. re: “Nothing tastes as good...”
They clearly haven’t tried my cookin’. I need an apron that says “My cooking tastes way better than being at a low BMI may sometimes feel.”

I want to open an abortion clinic and café called Zip Boppity Bops. We would have fresh juice!

This information always makes me so fucking infuriated. You know what’s medically dangerous? PREGNANCY. With an abortion, you get some anesthesia and zip bop bippity pop, it’s done. With my C-section, they gutted me open, put my uterus and intestine on my belly, and then sewed it all back into place. I couldn’t walk…

I SAW IT AFTER I COULDN’T EDIT IT ANYMORE

With (white) people split as they are on this subject, it really is more politically sound for a mayor to promote a racial epitaph that gets a rich billionaire treasure troll on their side than it is to fight against that racism and receive the support of a tiny, disenfranchised group of people who have no real power…

When pressed for comment, the mayor retreated to her bridge where she belched fireballs and threw hammers at anyone who tried to save the princess.

As a fan of the classics I much prefer the original douchebag manual:

Still, his performance in The Fault in Our Stars wasn’t half-bad.

I would MUCH RATHER do phone sex work than be Kim Richards.

The only one who really comes close is Taylor Armstrong—also from Beverly Hills—who was in an abusive marriage and whose husband later committed suicide.

Stating that Buzzfeed should have to adhere to editorial standards of ethics is like demanding that a 5 year old's drawing of pirates should come with a full list of citations, a bibliography, and an appendix. It's not their game man.

And none of it is for you, potato lady!

You’re spreading nonsense. Everyone knows chemtrails are the source of Morgellons fibers.