I got up and left the room so many times during my aunt’s birthday party I’m pretty much committed to staying the fuck away from that contingent of the family for the foreseeable future. Hey, I’m not the one who dropped a match in a drought-stricken forest of old growth redwoods.

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo she was a 19 year old drug addict and he was 34 and married. No wonder Carrie Fisher always finds ways to emphasize that Harrison Ford is a douche biscuit.

I donated to planned parenthood and then got a lecture from a family member about dead babies. So I donated again, double my original amount, in said family member’s name.

STAB IT WITH THE SWORD OF GRYFFINDOR IMMEDIATELY

It’ll never end, but Deadspin is sleeping on the couch for awhile.

If by some strange horrible longshot Trump wins, I will cease to speak to anyone who insisted on voting for Stein or Johnson because “I shouldn’t have to vote for the lesser of two evils” or “Clinton is a liar and murderer” or “they are both terrible” or “I don’t have to follow the crowd” or “If everybody would vote…

My high school Spanish teacher’s grandfather was murdered when he tried to vote. She hunted down each and every one of us as we turned 18, shoved voter registration forms in our hands, watched us fill them out, and then sent them in. Not voting always seemed like a pretty unconscionable decision after that.

As I’ve said in the Deadspin/Concourse comments several times at this point: if you truly have nothing to lose in this election, congratulations on your extreme privilege. The rest of us will vote based on what’s at stake for us. (that’s targeted toward the bs in that post, not you, to clarify)

<3 u Jezzies!!! Thank you for showing those shitbags at Deadspin how it's done. (Ley, Drew, Jordan and ladies excepted.)

why is there a man in here

Because we aren’t fucking idiots.

I got halfway through the Deadspin version (and I usually like them!) before my eyes rolled out of my head and across the floor so I couldn’t read anymore.

Alex Pareene’s self-important explanation for why he may or may not deem voting in a presidential election worthy of his time was the single worst thing I have read this election season.

I love you all so, so much.

No, seriously, why does he get to cut the line? Is there any precedent for this? It seems illegal and is definitely unfair.

That crazy fuck peed on the candy rack at my local CVS.

He said, “I am not guilty. I did not kill Susan Berman.”