Ha ha ha, yes, it’s a little known fact that what the world thinks is Canadian politeness is actually passive aggression. Every time I bump into some asshole on the sidewalk with his face in his phone, I automatically say sorry as I pass but then to myself I say FOR NOTHING YOU DICKHEAD. It keeps society in check.

Smarties in Canada are not the same thing as Smarties in the US. Our Smarties (actually British) are like M&Ms. Candy covered chocolate. Different taste of chocolate though - I prefer the M&Ms.

Not All Dressed? They must not have tried All Dressed! All Dressed for President! Make America All Dressed Again!

Most likely it’s a passive aggressive warning masquerading as polite.

Major props and congratulations on your continuing battle. I wish there was a better safety net for folks like you, and I wish you all the best in your continued journey. You’re so articulate and insightful, hopefully those skills will see you rise above it all in time, given you live in the greatest country IN THE…

boooooo

Don’t apologize, I too find this stuff absolutely fascinating. My ex (still BFF) boyfriend is American and so some of the more subtle differences really came to light in the 7 years we dated (and since).

Well, the really obvious one is the insane election process. It takes a year and a half to elect a new leader. We do it in six weeks. And then all the complexities that go with that, like stretching out primaries over months and months and months, rather than having everyone vote across the country on one day so you…

This must be a universal delivered via osmosis. I have always responded with “Cereal box French” when people ask if I speak the language!

One of the few exceptions. A national treasure. I used to date an American and the first time I was going to meet him (we met - where else - online), I brought him an award-winning French Canadian film (we still haven’t watched, to this day) and Trailer Park Boys as cultural offerings. He would come to my place and…

Stupid Canadian cereal prizes. I bet Americans get iPhones.

Inclusiveness is for immature brats!

Don’t forget when you win at lottery and the machine says, “Winner! Gagnant!” Always a thrill.

No, it’s not just during election time. I mean, original Canadian programming, with few exceptions, is teh shitz. We watch American TV and Canadian news and sports. We always know your business, whether we want to or not. As I said before, we know your customs. We just don’t understand a lot of them.

Switzerland has FOUR official languages.

Well, just because we don’t understand you doesn’t mean we don’t know everything about your customs. Your media tends to overwhelm our sad offerings.

Nah we never bother to wipe.

In sophisticated Toronto, we have little signs in our subway trains with a helpful illustration.

Jeez you don’t run across a reference to Hildegard of Bingen just every day. Stars.

Oh, not evol. Sorry, hope I didn’t hit a soft spot (doesn’t sound like it, but even so.)