Oh it's just the best ever. You can go to a priest and appeal to him to re-brand you a virgin so you're fit to marry someone one day as long as you say you are really sorry and you won't have any more secure contact or thoughts. Jessica Valenti made a good point in The Purity Myth when she said that without this…

I remember accidentally-on-purpose losing mine in my room after I got to third base with a guy my senior year (can we still use the base euphemism or...? Eh, I'm going for it) because I felt so bad whenever I saw it on my hand. A few months later, I liked a boy from a nearby Catholic high school so I begged my best…

SILKEN FASHION SACK

The grass is always greener! I swear. My best friend is exactly my height, my weight, my same proportions, EVERYTHING, but she has some massive attachments on that chest of hers and we don't even discuss it anymore because we are both so bitter toward the other one! Hahaha.

I'm all about the crazy new global ass appreciation. I have a really, really flat chest and I am actually in the process of getting ready for a BA (don't start, please, because I'm also in the process of filming my five-part vlog series called "The Feminist and the Boob Job" and whatever objections you or another…

Painter high as fuck.

Honestly, I love the trend. Yeah, I'm an average 22-year-old consumerist who regularly buys whatever is deemed fashionable for the season, and for some reason a lot of people see this as offensive or as though I am incapable of thinking for myself (which is anything but true, I assure you) but I genuinely enjoy trendy…

One of my Facebook friends back home posted that ridiculous "Columbia University" ID that is supposedly of President Obama and proves he is a foreigner or something. I really don't care. It is bullshit. The point is, I immediately commented with a link to the Snopes article about how that is a well-known Photoshopped…

I wasn't too perturbed until I saw the direct attack on my Zac. I will not have it. I will not. Buying a ticket now out of spite and praying this isn't some reverse-psychology trick to drive sales. Regardless! Here I come, Zac baby! Don't listen to the haters, honey.

I think she looks beautiful here and there is something a little alarming and scary about the first expression. I think she is always lovely though.

Someone please help me. I think I'm the only person on the Internet who is soooo over her antics. It comes across to me like she is trying to be weird and silly and "relatable" because she is everyone's "spirit animal" but she just tries too hard. She's such a great actress but I get distracted by all the shit she…

In some pictures, even stills of her performing at concerts, her boobs like gargantuan. Other times, like in the majority of the "We Found Love" video, they are almost nonexistent. Mostly, I attribute it to photoshop, but I actually think she has some versatile boobs underneath it all and she is very good at choosing…

The reviews on Amazon are equally exciting, even if they're obviously fake. Like this one, titled "VAJAZZLE MANY YES"!

"VAJAZZLE IS BEST PRODUCT FOR DECORATING LOWER REGIONS HELPS TO COVER UP SCARS RESULTANT FROM BIRTHING ACTIVITIES AND OR IMPLANTATIONS. MANY PARTNERS COMMENT ON ATTRACTIVE AND WIT PUN, WORDPLAY…

I grew up in North Dakota but because of an unclear understanding of what "football" was at the age of five, I declared myself a Packers fan for no reason other than that I was five. When I saw how negatively my family —especially my poor father!— reacted to this declaration, I stuck with it purely because I thought…

You say it when you're partying and you are turned all the way up. Ya know. Like "Drank so much, dancing so hard, never sleeping, young forever, TURNT THE FUCK UP!"

Can I add "______ at its finest" and "turn up/turnt" to the list as well? These are apparently the only two acceptable Instagram captions from 2013 and I'd like to see them banned forever. Thank you for your consideration.

A friend and I rented Sunday School Musical when we were in 10th grade and in a really weird religious phase. It was AWFUL and we LOVED IT.

I don't know, man. When I was 18 or 19, my friend had one of those moms who was a "cool" mom and let us drink beer in the basement and would talk to us about "fun, edgy" stuff so she could fit in.

My friends pooled their money and bought her anal beads for her 40-something birthday. She had never expressed an interest…

My mother, bless her, is an OTA mom but she never, ever sleeps. I mean it. She works from a home office and is down there at 4 a.m. for no reason other than that my family just does n o t sleep at normal times. When I was in high school, even if kids were over at midnight or later, we could not escape her. She would…

I really don't hate that, not even a little. I think it's pretty sweet. I would definitely wear it. In fact, in a few months when I can find a cheaper version somewhere else, I am almost certainly buying it.