I’m sure Trump would love to give the women of America a hand. Just don’t argue about where the hand will go.

As an immigrant, I feel there is a special place in hell for those that want to close the door and throw away the keys once they’re here. I can’t stand those that want to change any system they’ve personally benefited from and allow themselves to be used as poster-people for whatever cause.

I had this conversation at work. A couple of coworkers were saying no immigrants unless they are educated, can speak English, blah blah blah. I said you know I’m an immigrant who couldn’t speak English when I landed here, right? Yeah, but you’re Irish, that’s different, and it was a long time ago.. HOW IS THAT…

“He likes to wear a T-shirt with a photo of a young girl sitting on the knee of an older man, reading “ACCEPTING APPLICATION 4A SUGAR BABY,”...”

“I can show you my bank account. I don’t have any assets. I don’t have money, just enough to live. I don’t have money for a sugar baby.”

“IT BURNS!!! IT BURNNNNNNNNSSS!!! AHHHHHH!”

One (if not THE) of the most immoral, disgusting, unqualified presidents we’ve had in the history of our country, and they treat him like an idol. Meanwhile, many of them believed Obama was the Antichrist. What is Christ-like about Trump? I can’t think of a single thing. He’s not even a good father or husband, and…

If Morris is smart, she’ll hire Kellyanne Conway to make a statement about tomorrow on the BBC.

“Told ya he’d do it!” - guy who put that sign there, to his colleague

This is what I do when people try to get me to sell drugs.

Today I adopted these badass little girls, so I’m loving the world.

^^ This, Hachi. So much ^^

OMG this is hilarious, what bands do Marine Le Nazi and Theresa May(be a giant bitch) hate??

Well done for publicly admitting you don’t like people trolling you.

Honestly, they should have a Bill with deliberately ego-stroking titles for Trump and see what happens. It’d be funny to watch him shout at Reps in the House and Senate for removing a “Trump Appreciation Bill” that secretly demanded his tax returns or something.

Trying to get through House of Cards, but with the reality we find ourselves in all the storylines and outrageous shit the Underwoods pull just register as “eh...”

Mike Pence: first person on Mars! Sure, there’s no way to bring him back, but he’d no longer have to worry about being alone with a woman who isn’t Mother.

Yeah, I hear next week Trump plans to announce that he’ll send all Native Americans back where they came from.

FYI FOLKS this headline was brought to you by sex joke wizard Anna Merlan

The problem with tackling climate change in this country is that the whole exercise has been wussified and so there’s no buy-in from real, red-blooded, Bud Lighted, Americans.