Without trash, he is nothing.

I said Case Closed. GOOD DAY TO YOU SIR.

We would have also accepted “miniature buttocks”

His nose looks like the tip of a penis. I can’t I see it now.

Word of advice for younglings that is about to encounter a “roommate situation” for the first time:

I also like that he began with an anecdote about a weed-related DUI. My friends this is not a guy who has never driven home after a couple too many martinis:

It really is amazing how Drump has unleashed the “inside voice” these fuckers used to know about.

Oh wow!

I feel like when she’s not repeating WH talking points she just sits in a dark room and stares at a opposite walls.

At this point Morgan Freeman’s portrait has a portrait.

She is RADIANT. I love her.

APPROACHING PEAK MAGNIFICOSITY

Listen, I know this article is about my boy Denzel, but can we discuss Viola’s Angela Davis-level Afro? Because OH MY GOD IT’S MAGNIFICENT

He’s looking at his gas bill thinking “How can it be $187.80 this month when it was only $126.34 last month? Somethin’ aint right. They about to get a call from me thats for sure. As soon as I get home.”

Oh now, that’s just mean to whoever that guy is

This is EXACTLY how my dad looks at the menu when we go out to eat. Pop, just get the chicken so we can get our food before the close.... 

He’ll look like this by age 33.

In high school, Miller ran for student government as an outspoken conservative 

So....I know that what this kid did was dangerous and could have really harmed some people. And also, he probably has some type of scary personality disorder or something. But....