I hate to be the one to explain to you that you don’t have to be raped to be sexually harassed or violated.

It’s not about getting a blowjob. It’s about a show of power. Whether or not it would ever end in a blowjob, the asshole guy’s acting out on his need to show that all women are good for is blowjobs.

What if we treated white men like this just for, like, an hour a year? So they know what it’s like.

well ... not literally

Well-meaning people feel like they need to say something to keep the conversation going, and when they find out that your kid was adopted, they come up with all sorts of stuff- adoption horror stories, does he know he was adopted, etc. My daughter looks like she could be our biological kid, so we can generally avoid…

Even if you could figure out how to code it, 1998 Netflix would still suck because of dial-up. Nobody's gonna get excited about streaming a movie online when it takes four and a half days to load. Besides, halfway through your mom would make you get offline so she could call her cousin in Arizona.

The checkout lady yesterday told my wife she looked further along than her due date. I wanted to punch her.

Forced social interaction with other parents is the worst. Especially when you live in a city and you get the "crunchy" parents who's kids clothes are all made from recycled bottles and who only eat locally-grown, organic, sustainable kale.

DON'T go to the park and sit on a bench and stare at your phone for 60 minutes while your kid tries to feed sand to all the other kids.

It's Indiana, not Insteve.

WHAT IS A MANDATORY COMPOSTING ORDINANCE. WHAT HIPSTER HELL CITY DO YOU LIVE IN.

Yeah, because as we all know, the second OJ was acquitted he was back calling games for the NFL that weekend.

"The Skipper impersonator gave himself away when he demanded they schedule a meeting via his personal assistant, Bob Abui."

The only thing that I could think of while reading his email is that at no point in the 23 years that I had with my father or after he passed have I wished that he wasn't around. In his 50 years on this miserable planet, he made many people's lives better, and he was my hero. Losing my father hurt and it still hurts,…

"I think maybe your just low intellect?"

Hey Bob, I don't know how old you are, but you might want to try dating somebody who's older than you, more than just a year or two older. Maybe one that already has kids - teenagers or above - so they're not looking for Instant-Daddy, but more of just a companion. Older women may not want to go jogging at 6am or go…

I think everyone sending in stories from their 8th grade trips could be an article in itself. Mine involves nutri-grain bars, boobs and a Danzig CD.

Put down your knife and fork and wait for the staff to clear that round of plates off the table. Apparently crossing your utensils on the plate will be a fairly unambiguous sign that you've finished with that dish, but I've found that just setting the silverware on the plate and sitting back is a pretty reliable way…

As a Professional waiter, I was nervous before I read the article, but overall, I thought it was really good.