These sounds like good things to hash out. I'll warn all those who plan to spend their lives with another person, though, I'm still surprised by the stuff we didn't think to talk about. I don't understand why you "don't believe in life insurance." What do you mean you think Heathers is a terrible movie? Yes, when I…

Wait. You have to line your toilet with paper and then go? That's too much work.

And/or question your right to exist and draw the same oxygen they do. And it doesn't matter if you're Hillary Clinton, Condaleeza Rice, or Madeline Albright (just to draw from our Secretaries of State), if you're not hot while you do it, get the fuck out with your accomplishments and talents. Because, as you see,…

Oh, yes. Because apparently it's my job to make a total stranger's day brighter by smiling. I always want to reply that my massive hemorrhoids make it difficult for me to smile. Would they like to see those instead?

Seriously. I fear for the future. I don't think the Greatest Generation was running around going criss cross applesauce and use your words. God.

The preciousness of calling that sitting position "criss cross applesauce" is annoying to the point that I am reconsidering having children if I have to put up with hearing twee bullshit out of the mouths of early education teachers for years on end.

The Melinda Henneberger article linked in the Wizbang article is a must-read. And in response to DallasCryboys, I fail to see how going in at 1:45 pm the next day isn't reporting it immediately. Whether or not she was "unstable," her report deserved an investigation and attention before she killed herself and made it…

He stole his face from Jeff Spicoli.

My sister-in-law loves it. She gets a rush out of hunting bargains. I could try to reason her out of it until I'm blue in the face and she'll still be all, "Why don't you come with me? It will be so much fun!" And I tell her year after year, "Fuck no. I'd rather put my eye out with a fork." And thus we do the holiday…

Just boxers printed with little Valtrex pills.

Good Christ almighty. I wish I could convey how much this type has absolutely ruined Nantucket. Used to be a nice place to visit — plenty of wealth. But it was old money — classy and discreet. Think beat up Volvos and Topsiders. These new money shits come in flashing brand names and status symbols, building eyesore…

I haven't checked Washington law, but many states have exceptions for testifying about a crime committed against the wife/husband by the husband/wife. If Washington doesn't have that exception, it should—would seem a free pass for beating the crap out of your spouse without fear of him or her testifying against you.

My mother would be so happy if I gave her a list of things I might want. The way things usually go: "What do you want for Christmas?" Me: "I don't know — I think I'm good." Her: "I need to get you something." Me: "I have no idea. A book?" Her: "You are the worst."

I was so concerned that after the election that people would stop constantly talking about the Important Issues of the Day. But never fear, here you come to helpfully beat the ever living shit out of a dead horse and kill every last laugh and bit of joy anyone was getting out of Drew's post. Crisis averted!

They apparently got married right after the charges were dropped. Because nothing says, "you're the one for me" like "he's been released because there wasn't enough evidence to charge him with abusing you."

My God. That poor girl. The prosecutor, Maleng, is like the flip side of Nifong, the Duke lacrosse player prosecutor. One violated every ethical rule in the book to prosecute innocent men. The other willfully shut his eyes to horrific crimes because the perpetrators were athletes. Both actions are a vile abuse of…

This indeed truly divine. Pack them in on top of the ketchup glaze and let them toast a bit.

And there is no other candy bar that you can break into a perfect half, and then sandwich between two graham crackers with a melted marshmallow for the holiest of all food concoctions: the s'more. God, I'm hungry right now.

Me too and I agree. My husband hates the Pats and Pats fans more than Drew. I have learned to laugh the hatred off and simply make fun of his shit show of a team instead.

This is the best advice you can give anyone. Truly. Bed Bath & Beyond is the greatest money laundering operation for wedding gifts imaginable.