“I wish it would all just go away,” said Kathie Lee clueless white people.

Pregnant and unwed at 20 by a dude you’ve dated for a few months is officially and definitively trailer trash.

I’m never not amazed at Trump’s ability to consistently live down to the lowest of expectations. Everyone expected him to make a fucking natural disaster and severe humanitarian crisis about himself and his ego, with no fucking mention of the victims, and of course he fucking did. The second easiest thing for a…

My God, there’s a fantasy that’ll keep you going for days and days. I’d go with the Heath Ledger Joker — he might kill fewer people than the Jack Nicholson Joker, but he’d scare the crap out of everybody there!

9:54am? FAKE NEWS. It’s actually 5:00pm. Drink up!

And he was Black and existed. Just the worst.

I’m sorry, but Obama wore a tan suit to a press briefing. And at one point he put his feet on a desk.

Obama? I was just telling a co-worker I miss Bush Jr. he can even bring along Cheney.

Haha... She was definitely in love. I never loved or felt loved like I did with my ex-husband, and I’ve never been so profoundly hurt by anyone in my life. But I guess that is the risk... the higher you get, the harder the fall. To be honest I’m not interested in that kind of passion or intensity anymore. It’s too…

The lawyers were told to leave the settlement check on the nightstand.

Hey, honey! Could you look up a word for me? V-A-C-A-T-

There’s every chance he’s been wired since the 80s, given what we know of his connections to the Mafia (both US and Russian).

“We have killers, we have the best killers! H. H. Holmes, Dahmer, Bundy, Manson, my son, Ramirez, Lizzie Borden, Albert Fish, Starkweather, Ed Gein, Gacey all proud red blooded Americans! USA! USA!”*

Look, liberals,

People act like California is some leech when we are providing the rest of the country with federal tax dollars and using that water for food. Excuse me if I take offense to dismissing California as some deadbeat state that just bums water off other states. We do a lot for the country. We pull our weight.

You are either naive or a poor student of history.

He’s a leftover Soviet prototype Espionage Drone. He’s a thing because the Russians didn’t know what to do with the prototype, so they sold it to the American government. He’s famous because it’s cheaper to get paparazzi to watch him than assign federal agents.

THIS. It takes a lot of work to consciously consider my mental health,my husband’s mental health, and our relationship, when we’re just trying to keep up with our toddler. It’s a lot of work. It can be easy to miss something.

I worked with this woman who is in her late 40's, she’s very quiet and to herself, I’d even call her strange once you get her talking, just very very reserved and awkward. Turns out she used to be Miss light up the room but she discovered that her husband of 18 years would fly his plane out of state to meet underage…