There is definitely sexism in the woman being the only party to change her last name, but an egalitarian solution that will work for generations is not easy.

Mr. Farticus wanted to take my last name, but I was already set on changing it, as I’m not attached to it because Reasons (plus I moved way up in alphabetical order, which is a big deal to me)

My 17 y/o brother just announced that he intends to take his wife’s name when he eventually marries because the world is too sexist in general and he wants to help even the odds. My dad is really fucking ticked off with him about it.

Thank you for saying this. I hate getting into arguments with women when I ask why they want to take their husband’s name and they cannot justify beyond wanting the whole family to have the same name. It gets hairy when I ask why kids cannot have her name, since they come from her uterus.

Men never take women’s names. It’s almost negligible as a phenomenon and most are upset and offended at the idea of being asked to. Why do you think that is? It’s because it’s a sexist tradition.

So maybe the answer is for the kids to get mom’s name, since she gestated and birthed them. Problem solved!

I remember being like 5 when my mom divorced my dad, and she took her maiden name back. Which she changed again when she married someone else. I’ve thought since then that the whole maiden name thing is straight bullshit.

I kept my name when I got married and have never gotten shit for it ‘cause my in-laws are great and my husband’s not very into tradition. As a result, I’m never bothered when someone calls me Mrs. HisName ‘cause there was never any strife there. My usual response is,“It’s Apostrophe. No biggie, I’ve been called a lot…

Here’s the thing you can have your own reasons for doing so (your reason may even be that you don't give a shit if it's a sexist tradition) but you CANNOT deny doing so is rooted in sexist tradition. Hell, so is marriage as an institution. I should add I am a married woman who took my husbands name for my own reasons…

That’s not how sexism works. Plenty of women have internalised sexist ideals of how women should act and perform them without coercion.

Ok I'm kind of dying to know your secret now... ??

Perhaps I phrased that poorly. But I supposed my choice of words is telling.

I’m in agreement.

It’s not so simple. For me, it would be conspicuous to just make this change randomly. My family would have questions as to why I would want to change my last name outside of an expected reason, and the baggage I have attached to that name is a big secret I must keep from all of them, lest it hurt a lot of people and…

I see how it can get complicated if you plan to have kids, especially if you already have a hyphenated name, but frankly changing your name sounds like a pain in the ass and I’m amazed so many people still do it. It takes until about June for me to stop writing the previous year on checks, fuck if I’m going to change…

Okay, all of this but also I hate my in-laws and did not want to be symbolically subsumed into their dysfunction by changing my last name. It’s such a weird, invasive tradition for those of us not down with it.

My favorite is the oft-repeated claim that it’s actually totally more feminist to take your husband’s name than keep your own, because you choose your husband but not your father. They’re literally claiming that it’s impossible for women to have names of their own (unlike men, whose names somehow magically belong to…

I don’t actually think it would be objectionable if—IF—it was equally common for men to take their wives’ names. But we haven’t reached that point yet.

“I’ve never once voted because I want my husband to know I trust him to make the best decisions for us. Little things like that sustain a marriage. If I hadn’t taken his name, how could he ever feel confident as patriarch?”

I wouldn’t take my wife’s last name, nor would I ask her to take mine.