Like a...Like a sexy orange
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8/1/18
9:43 AM
244

I don’t know much about Tristan Thompson, but I know enough about Draymond Green to know that Thompson was totally right, and I’m 100% on his side, and he absolutely won the fight.

1/18/18
5:57 PM
61

Pal, it’s really on you that you can’t appreciate what is inarguably the finest show on network and possibly all of tv right now

1/5/18
12:14 PM
24

My favorite thing about The Good Place’s twitter is that they only follow two other accounts: The Jacksonville Jaguars and Blake Bortles.

1/2/18
9:18 AM
77

Alabama should have been left out. Weakest schedule, didn’t beat their only challenging opponent of the year, didn’t win their conference. There’s no reason in college football that we should let conference losers have do-overs, and they’ve done it twice for Alabama.

11/18/17
3:30 PM
39

So the tourist visiting Bergen for the first time comes up on a Norwegian youth and asks “Does it always rain like this here?” Read more

11/5/17
8:43 AM
33

An elderly Jewish woman wins the state lottery, $100 million. And during her press conference, she says she intends to give most of it away. “$40 million to B’nai B’rith, $30 million to Hadassah, and $10 million to the Nazi party in Germany.” The reporters can’t believe what they just heard. One asks, “Did you say Read more

10/31/17
2:19 PM
10

We have the absolute most snuggly great dane ever, I swear. She pulls the little spoon shit in the middle of the night, you wake up and the back of her head is in front of my face. It’s cute as hell, and I realize that there’s pretty much nothing I can do about it at this point, so we just go with it.

10/31/17
2:18 PM
6

Ugh same. We have three — two 25-lb beagles and a 50-lb mutt. We have a King bed but it’s still a fucking Jenga act to get to sleep comfortably.

10/31/17
2:16 PM
21

Our dogs aren’t even that big! 45lbs and 60. The smaller, older dog does this thing where she wants to curl up in contact with my leg, and then I get hot so I scooch over, and she just chases me until she’s sprawling all the way across the damn bed. The other dog is just an idiot.

10/31/17
2:12 PM
76

We have two dogs, so the humans collectively get to split 22% of the bed area and the dogs get the rest no matter what we do. The dog share of the bed STARTS reasonable, sure. They’re just there in the corners, but as we fall asleep they gradually creep inwards and stretch out from their little balls, until they’re Read more

10/31/17
8:09 AM
1

Okay yeah, I might settle for HCCI too!

10/15/17
10:17 AM
5

Not a head injury. That was shoulder-to-shoulder and clean as can be.