I'm not a prude, and I know it's Amy schumer and Howard stern, but ugh. Just so much ugh.

People can have whatever opinion of the Kardashians as they want - I really don’t care either way about them - but that is one incredibly savvy family.
Kim K really needs to teach Liz Lemon how to do that thing that rich people do where they turn money into more money.

Sometimes when I wipe there’ll be just SO MUCH on the paper. So much. Then I wipe again and again. Sometimes I forget to wash afterward. Still though, I always think to myself with a subtle pursing of the lips as I leave the toilet, “Nailed it.” Anywho, how about all these lawyers on Gawker? Is the Nordstrom website…

I’m a litigator. Sometimes I’ll do oral argument before the Court and think, “shit, that felt like rambling. I bet I sounded so dumb. I must do better next time.” And then I get the transcript back and I’ve spoken eloquently throughout it. Comparatively, I imagine Palin is like “nailed it” after a speech and then…

So, when he was fingering her, he had all the power? When a guy I’m with is fingering me, he has full power over me? Come on. And you’re saying I’m contrived?

I always think it’s funny when my friends do this. When they’re dating the guy, he’s the BEST in bed! He has the biggest dick, makes them orgasm a gazillion times a night, etc. Once they break up though, all of the sudden his penis size was barely average and the only time she came was when she pulled out the vibrator…

I dunno, Cory Booker was probably shoveling snow in between rescuing old ladies from burning buildings and serving hot coffee to homeless people.

America-the friend whose birthday party is an unreasonable 4 days of events and costs you way too much money, but she’ll be offended if you don’t pay attention to her the whole time.

I hate this “making me side with Megyn Kelly” thing she’s managing to pull off.

Yup.

In the movie about the Trump campaign, I nominate Missi Pyle to play Megyn Kelly.

I have been playing a game called “One Instance/One Example” with a seriously hardcore Trump supporter for some time now. The rules are pretty simple- he has to name me a single instance or a single example of something that Trump has said of any substance, of any action that did not directly and in most cases, solely…

Who would have thought I’d be siding with Fox News on an election related issue?!? More signs that this election has devolved into a endless pit of self-loathing.

The White House press corp would dwindle as he banned those he finds objectionable. If they want to remain they have to lob softball questions to him and only write flattering articles.

I think maybe we’re a groundhog’s day situation. I’m going to grab a toaster and get in the tub to test out the theory.

This is going to be a great “how we met story” to tell at our wedding. #meetcute

If she’s fat, then I’m obese.

They called you “fat & unattractive”? Hetero dudes be out of control!

A writer I know who copped a lot of hate because her HUSBAND CHEATED ON HER (I know, so her fault, right?)told me once that if no-one hates on you online you aren’t doing your job.