My old bachelor pad used to be right. fucking. next. door. to a Wendy's. I went a year without going there, but once I burst the dam, there were problems.

Fucking A, right?

Have you tried dipping your fries in the shake? I've found Wendy's fries to be the optimal shape and sturdiness for a dipping platform, well suited for the consistency of the Frosty.

We are the fucking country with a fast food chain that created a marketing campaign based around fourthmeal, the quantum singularity of self-indulgent obese fucks. That still fucking raises my ire. Meanwhile, in Sudan, enjoy your fourthmeal of sawdust cakes/half a handful of rice/ethnic cleansing!

Here, I must shamefully confess that Red Robin was my go-to first date spot in college. A lot of my snowboarder/skateboarder friends worked there (seriously, it was kind of a type) and we could usually get some deals on food and drinks. All of those first dates have since died of heart disease.

To be fair to her, she broached it like, "This issue I've been working on for twenty years just got totally undone over the course of a day!" We were out at dinner. We told her we'd heard about it, and I struggled to think of something sympathetic to say, but she eventually said, "Oh, well, I guess you guys are…

Ugh. My mother-in-law is a (very conservative) ordained minister and I'm afraid this is the type of movie she might cheer for. Can we trade for a little while? =)

Aww, poor Jonah. The butt of "whale swallowing" jokes for millennia and now his tomb gets blown the fuck up by ISIS turds.

Have you played the original Dragon Age? I've gotten some decent replay time out of that one, and it's owned by EA.

Oh, I know this one! If an apple and a feather fall at the same time…

And rampant sandwiches, wreathed in ranch dressing.

You know nothing @Weasels Ripped My Fleeeheehesh…

I voted for him while I was in the Army. A bunch of my fellow soldiers, including some superiors, told me I was "making a mistake." In my head I was like, yeah, sort of, because I think this guy sucks, but no way am I voting for Bush.

AIDS is to Cancer? No, wait! CancerAIDS is to… butt stuff? Aw, forget it.

"… promising subscribers the chance to submit her questions and participate in online chats. 'That’s what I’m most anxious about,' Palin says."

Congratulations on your makin' out, sir! Going to shows and making out with cute chicks. It's enough to make me go yell at a cloud.

Godspeed, sir or ma'am.

The Lady Balls and I just got HBO a couple months ago, so we're just about to finish up Game of Thrones. She is about to start "The Watchers on the Wall" and I saved the finale to watch with her. I'm completely hooked on the show, though I've had a few major moments spoiled by virtue of having Facebook and following…

I have the weirdest boner right now.

Hello! My name is Mr. Sllab and I come from… someplace far away! I think that instead of using that money to build a streaming platform dedicated to only a single show, we should reinvest it into the AV Club's commenting software!