It’s a good way to scare the shit out of your pets?

My interest has never peaked and then waned as quickly as it did just now.

Hahaha, I love that one! I would have called bullshit, but then spent weeks secretly wondering.

Haha, that’s fantastic.

My absolute favorite that I’ll never forget, especially since he kind of wasn’t lying but he had to carry it to an extreme:

Aw man, I got up this morning saying “Golly, I surely do hope CancerAIDetc. doesn’t hate little ol’ me!”. Boy, is there egg on my face! 

“[The Whale] is going to do well when it finally expands.”

You’re literally ranting in an internet comment section under a comic book character’s name about how big and adult you are for thinking adults can only enjoy realism in art, all because daddy says so.

I know not everybody has heard of even the most famous franchises, but dude...

Indeed it did! I also really liked Little Hope. 

Ohhh, CALLISTO Protocol... damn, my dreams of Ally McBeal x Dead Space have been dashed once again. 

*Vince Vaughn walks into pitch meeting, writes “Dodgeball” on a whiteboard, adds a dollar sign to the end, and leaves*

And whatever happened to Vileness Fats!?

Yes please. Now we just need “Attack Of The Bleached Blonde Biker Bimbos” so that the prophecy may be fulfilled.

I can’t get past “Do you ban a genius for their sexual practices?”.

Agreed. Unless I’m a fan of that person specifically because of how well they write their own name, an autograph doesn’t really mean that much to me. Cool to have, sure, but it’s pretty low on my list of desirable collectibles. 

Workin’ hard, maxin’, not relaxin’ or cool
Hung out with a dozen Yoders outside of the school
When a coupla Mennonites who were brazen and young
Started making fun of my Ordnung
I started to turn my cheek but my mood went south
I said “Keep my old ways out your fucking mouth”

I wound up for a slap, but as it came near
The…

Will’s just never been the same since his Rumspringa. 

At least it’s just swindling and not flimflammery, or, god forbid, bills of goods and the sales thereof. 

And Henny Youngman!