They blew it by not securing the Frasier reboot, and now Paramount+ will reap that sweet sweet cultural zeitgeist money while NBC crumples unnoticed in a corner yearning for lost days of tossed salad and scrambled eggs.

a new compilation is a welcome relief for fans eager to revel in Em’s most memorable hits

What was missing? A Dogwelder movie, Marvel announcing that all future Hollywood movies will be legally obligated to tie in to the MCU somehow, the ghost of Bob Denver eating lunch with the ghost of Strom Thurmond, a screening of Yentl 2: Yentl Gone Mentl, a giant marble with a hat... I mean, I could go on.

Might want to check that link to the X review.

...is what I’d say if there were still editors here. 

That’s why I love Bruce Campbell panels: He shuts that shit down, is entertaining about it, and backs off before it gets too mean.

There’s no sign of guns and boss battles and i-frames in the old writings either.

Because it was written that way by the writers. There you go, the mystery has been definitively solved. I know you get scared when you see melanin on screen, but I promise, you’ll still be able to turn on Tucker Carlson when the credits roll.

Ummm, hi, yes, umm... can you hear m- hi, yes, sooooo... You know the, uhhh... sorry, let me start over, sorry, ummm... so, this is a six part question. Well, parts four and five are really more anecdotes than questions, and part two is really a three part question in itself... I guess I can boil it down to one part,…

Weirdly, the new song is called “The Thin Blue Line (Of Love)“. 

Yes yes, and we’ll have to sign a waiver to see it, and doctors/coroners will be on site at all times, and 60,000 people died of terror at a showing in Boise (it was a clown car drive-in, don’t ask). We’ll pay for the whole seat but we’ll only need the edge.

In other news, filming has also begun on Nope, which releases today. 

Offbeat, you say... alright, here’s the elevator pitch for the next spinoff. This is going to inspire that quill o’ yours, George.

I’ll happily give up both “literally” and “free reign” as hills to die on if I never have to hear “versed” or “versing” in reference to competitions or fights again. Only time a person should be “versing” someone is in a rap battle, dammit.

And where did I say “This movie will be better”? Also, guess who directed the largely acclaimed first part of this trilogy?

While we’re making up posts in our head to argue against, though, what makes you think John Denver’s ghost owns Idaho?

I’m still reasonably excited for this. Kills was bad, but I’m very forgiving of slashers, the stupidity is part of the appeal to me. Still, I do hope this one is a wee bit more like Halloween 2 3: Halloween 1: Halloween 2018: H40 & Knuckles (Jesus this franchise) and a wee bit less like Kills.

Oh, me too. They could follow the MCU formula exactly and I’d be all for it.

I feel like the seed has just been planted for a Smash Bros. cinematic universe. Which means we have enough cinematic universes now to have a Cinematic Universe Cinematic Universe. I for one can’t wait to see The Mummy and Hulk get their asses kicked by Mr. Game And Watch.

“I’ve got one hand in my pocket, and the other one’s doing a three-part hand gesture to signify cutting it out!”

Right! Holy hell, I’m starting to wonder if this whole thing is Rob Zombie fulfilling someone’s Fiverr request. I’ll definitely see this since everything else about it is pretty great, but yikes. There are Full Moon productions with better polish. 

Meanwhile, Seattle rejects hundreds of my proposals per day for a giant bronze Frasier Crane to tower above the Space Needle, passing judgment on all. I see how it is.