You’re calling out the wrong generation, it’d be Gen Z that’s entirely removed from that era. 

Weirdly, “Doctor Jones” will be playing on loop for the entire runtime. 

Andrew Heathcliff, on the other hand...

Oh come on now, there’s no such thing as an Avatar 2, they made that up to scare young critics into behaving. The footage you saw was just a weather balloon. 

I’ll never complain about seeing more Margot Robbie, but Lene Nystrøm from Aqua was clearly the right pick.

Calling it now: It’s secretly a movie about the Springfield Tire Fire. 

“it won’t have much of the “it’s-a me, Mario” stuff”

I hope that means he’s doing an Albano and telling Bowser that he’s going to hell before he dies. I’d pay for that ticket. 

He’ll actually be debuting a series of NFTs inspired by a particularly memorable hind leg of a terrier that he saw once in 1968. 

Shit, man, what a legend. RIP.

... Sure, why the hell not. They could have a lot of fun with the Legally Distinct Character Costumes™.

Tomorrow’s featured listicle: “Let’s think outside the Joker — here are 15 other villains to consider comparing the Gigantosaurus to for the Dominion sequel”

They could always do Victor Zsasz, he’s pre-grittified and ready to go. (although Gotham’s admittedly reimagined Zsasz was so fucking good that I now want the character to be more like him)

I still love Troma (and especially Lloyd), but I’m realizing that I rarely actually throw on a Troma movie. I think I just really like the Troma folks themselves and what they stand for in regards to independent filmmaking, moreso than the product they put out.

It’s an absolute five-bagger cameo, and it’s nice to see the real experts get a say for once. 

Ooh, I do have some scorching hot takes on your aunt’s sciatica. For one: Sciatica is a less than preferable experience. Big Nerve Pain may want us to think otherwise, but brother, it’s the 90s, don’t let the stuffed suits in Washington tell you that sciatica is the jammin’ new thing for extreme teens.

I also have…

No, just let it be. I love The Crow and hold it to an unreachable standard, admittedly, but it really is such a product of its time that it was already too late to recapture it by the time the first sequel came out. Even the (understandable) messiness of the effects and editing lend to why it works for its fans. If…

I just want an answer to the story’s biggest mystery: How is Pennywise not lactose intolerant after eating so much Derry?

“...why else would Jim Carrey, someone who was not at the Oscars (as far as we know) and has no real stake in the drama, be getting headlines for talking about it?”

Oh wow, I had no idea, I’ll have to watch that.

I’m not convinced that this whole movie isn’t just a ruse to get people in the seats, at which point Jared Leto will turn to the camera and explain in extreme detail for the next two hours why his version of Joker is secretly the best one, and was simply far too Damaged™ for lamestream audiences to accept.