I love the foil cutter! I use mine all the time.

How do they feel about #kissmyfatassInstagram? ‘Cause I’m thinking about getting that one started.

I’m sorry but you are patently wrong. I use those wine wrapper cutty things all the time. It’s at the very least, incredibly satisfying.

I have a cheap plastic one and use it all the time - admittedly, it’s next to the corkscrew on top of the microwave and I open a bottle every other day - at least.

I use my thingamajig all the time.

Those foil cutters are the best! Oh my god, are we going to have an argument? Do I need to take my earrings off? Because those fuckers are ACE, man! Mainly because I have precisely zero hand-eye coordination. Trying to use the tip of the corkscrew inevitably means half an hour of grim scraping, a minor psychotic…

I have one of these and use it all the time. Faster wine bottle opening!

the skin doesn’t meet up for most of it

I got banned for expressing my disgust (albeit in a respectful way, at least I thought so). I’ll probably be perpetually in the greys so my days of commenting at Jezebel may be over. That sucks because the people on this site have taught me so much over the last few years and are some of the most intelligent,…

Call your Dr. The result will most likely be that it will help you to stop worrying. You are not bothering them. Just call. Okay?

Fellow introverts: how do you deal in social situations when you’re surrounded by extroverts, especially ones you’ve just met? This week I went to an after hours dinner/drinks thing with my husband’s c0-workers, whom I’d never met before. They were all very nice people, but I felt awkward as hell because 99% of them…

I warn you, there’s a 50% chance I’ll think I can dance (I CAN’T) and a 100% chance I’m going to hug you.

This needs to be in test form. A test you can take once when sober and then again when drunk. This needs to be a test, because what if you can’t tell what kind of drunk you are?! I need this to be a teeeeeest!

The adoption agency I adopted my cat from didn’t tell me about her cystitis, how to treat it, or what it would cost me financially.

I’m bucking the trend by committing to using nothing more than concealer, mascara, a little blush, and lip balm until I feel less lazy and sweaty. #TRENDSETTER

Obligatory.

#NotMyCats

I don’t know who she is either, but I have the urge to put a lit firework in her mouth. She deserves a swift kick to the head.

Sorry for your loss. Peanut Butter the Psycho gifted us with three kittens- they are all deliriously batty and growing right into the asshole genetics they have rightly earned. (We believe the father is a feral cat that PBtP snuck into the house at grave risk) I was trying to eat today and they just would NOT leave me…

I say we wait until this bitch raises all the money and then send RiRi in to collect it all and give to AME church #bbhmm