BUY A CAR IF YOU DONT WANNA SIT IN THE BACK OF THE BUS ROSA PARKS!!!1!

I was legit looking up airfare. TELL MY WHITE ASS TO CHANGE!!! I DARE YOU!!!

Hair metal for me. My boyfriend really liked the stuff with lots of guitars and singers who sang with too much vibrato. Then I married the weirdo.

Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness...

I was up against a tree in a forest like the motherfucking wood nymph that I am. There were probably crickets and rustling leaves and shit, but mostly I remember a Metallica shirt, a very premature moustache, and the smell of Marlboro reds mixed with Exclamation and Chiclets.

The DVD menu for that terrible Jonny Depp horror movie about being a writer with weird hair who has split personalities or something and there’s a dead dog and a cornfield.

Saturday Night Fever soundtrack

One day and I'm already over it 👿

Hand Stuff: 1993 Stanley Cup Playoffs

I once had a fantastic solo session to Carmina Burana. Is that massively pretentious? But the dramatic bits of ‘O Fortuna’ made for an excellent climax.

How do you know they didn’t, O Wise One?

The second half of The Chronicles of Riddick. Pretty sure she was thinking about Vin Diesel the entire time.

I had a crush on a girl in high school. She invited me over to her house one day and played a record she had just purchased, “My Sharona” by The Knack. That opening drum beat was the birth of my teenage lust. We would make out on occasion but we wouldn’t consummate it until my senior year of college.

To this day, when…

I sincerely hope this is how it goes. Like an amazing meta-performance of how to establish a brand—in her case by weilding an immoderately weird kind authority in front of large audiences.

Yes that would be Austin Powers: Goldmember.

for me it was more that

Oh shit. At first I thought it was yet another outlet of the DC campus but: “The American University of Afghanistan is an Afghan university chartered under the Afghan Constitution and Ministry of Higher Education of the Afghan government. It is an American style university with an American teaching curriculum.”

Well this is absolutely and completely heartbreaking. I’m sure everyone who took a position or went to study there knew the risks—the university is heavily guarded after all—but for me their bravery just makes this sadder.

Shit. I hope the students and faculty make it out of this safely.

God I just want hundreds of women to flock to this beach wearing a burkini in protest. See what they fucking do then.