Ah, nice to hear my good cousin, Liberal Scientific Poll Bias, getting a shout-out!

That made me laugh out loud. (If only there was a shorter way to phrase that…)

This is actually a really good point. If he gets 33% of the votes, that means 1 out of every 3 Americans (who vote) is a real piece of shit. Now, that's sad.

A roasted duck with mango salsa.

If I was Trump's mirror, I would shoot myself. (Now, I don't know how I would make that happen, but I'd figure it out.)

Well, he does have "all the best words"…

"I thought I was voting Trump for king? Where's the "king" box??"
- Trump Supporter, November 9, 2016

All of them. Every last sink.

*takes deep breath*
NERRRRRRRDDDDDDSSSSSSS!!!!
*realizes he loves reading and is a nerd, gives himself a swirly*

Well, when a donkey makes waffles, you need to have really low expectations.

And in the morning, he's making waffles!

“I’m hoping to shrink The Tick’s hands to the size of a molecule.”

Let's pack a bunch of diametrically-opposed people into dark, confined places while their champions battle onscreen in the midst of a volatile, highly-charged political environment. Seems like a good idea to me…

Punctuation matters!

R.E.M. – “Until the Day Is Done”
Seal – “Crazy”
Alice In Chains – “Would?”
Tool – “Prison Sex”
Josh Rouse – “Directions”
The Roots – “Lazy Afternoon”
Nirvana – “Lounge Act”
Kanye West (ft. Jay-Z) – “Diamonds from Sierra Leone (Remix)”
Dress Rehearsal – “morning grey” *
Johnny Cash – “Folsom Prison Blues”
R.E.M. – “Driver 8”
The…

To be fair, your aunt is trying to poison him.

With my new foundation, he will!

Perhaps you'd be interested in donating to my new charitable foundation - The Foundation for At-Risk Men Named "Dud" Who Might Join Fraternal Orders If You Do Not Give Us Money?

Eh, better than WKRP in Cincinnati flashbacks.

I'm just hoping Michael Winslow is…but that's true of every new show I hear about.