Courtesy of Beck's Song Reader, I've found that I really dig Juanes. He's a Colombian artist who recorded "Don't Act Like Your Heart Isn't Hard," which is an outstanding track from the CD of various artists performing the Beck songs. I'd recommend checking out some of his stuff on YouTube and seeing if you can get…

*Frank Stallone looks down at his shoes, sighs*

We've got mouths to feed.

I'm picturing something like Barney Gumble's Pukahontas.

"You know what they call a… a… a Quarter Pounder with cheese in Harlem?"
"They don't call it a Quarter Pounder with cheese?"
"Uh, yeah, I guess they do."

It had a defective microphone.

Like jaywalking!

How about we not give Trump any ideas on how to turn The Purge into reality?

If only they made the politician Cheeto-stained orange with a terrible wig/haircut/dead animal on his head…

Where the hell's my full-season order for my gritty Facts of Life reboot, ABC?

"I liked rallying everyone at the RNC shit show convention while high on cocaine."
- R. Giuliani

I feel as though there should be an "allegedly" in the title. Or perhaps the actual article.

I hate myself for this, but…

No one? *sighs*

Ah, but I didn't say cis-male! This can be anyone who identifies as male, whether born that way or not.

It's in the mail.

- D. Trump

Eh, fair enough.

"I don't see a problem with it."
- Jared from Subway

How many hipsters do we have on this ship, anyway?
Yo!
I knew it. I'm surrounded by hipsters!