I saw them three times that year. I also did a lot of drugs in '98.

That "Whitty Huton Wuld Toor" shirt is totally legit. You should buy it.

You're supposed to do that every 20,000 miles, I hear.

Eh, not quite. He was in the middle of bludgeoning a giant panda to death with a baseball bat.

We call that man "a true American hero."
- some Trump supporter (probably)

I think there is a legally-binding contract where he needs to be called "Jared from Subway" for life.
- Jimmy John Liautaud

I will allow it.

I usually have to pay extra for a Pacific Job and double that for an Italian Rim.

I'm still waiting for them to merge the Pacific Rim and Italian Job franchises. (I assume there is an Italian Job franchise…)

In my goddamn belly.

Enough for someone to have a "collection" (unfortunately…).

Ah, someone owns the entire American Pie collection. (I kid, I kid!)

Those were fantastic. The movies, um, not so much.

There is not enough space on the internet to list all the reasons.

This is as a good place as any to post this…

I'm hoping "chocolate" isn't another euphemism.

I thought it was the shark repellent bat-spray.

They look good at the beach, which prevents sand from getting kicked on you?

Also, "on" is misspelled.

Not until we see her birth certificate.
- D. Trump*