So he's Breaking Band?

"Hey boss, I think I've got the tagline! 'Hostiles: It won't make you want to go live in a cave for the rest of your life!'"
- junior marketing exec

In all fairness, contemporary Democrats had a lot to do with the slavery that happened 150 years ago…

I would audition for role of "asshole who knows exactly where you are going to reappear after you die and is waiting to get a cheap kill."

I can't keep up, is this the actress running from dinosaurs while wearing high heels in Jurassic World, or the one in the Help?

This. "Nuclear codes in the hands of Trump" is certainly cause for alarm, but the Supreme Court nominations is *sighs* YUUUUUUGE. If justices are "young" enough, they can affect major decisions for decades. We need to have rational, liberal-minded justices on the bench, not whatever yahoos Trump would seat there and…

- Ignoring invites to my birthday party. Thanks to Facebook, I know you've seen them! Why don't you ever return my calls? I thought we were friends, AV Club!
*burns his "AV Club + Liberal Media Bias = BFF" t-shirt*

"Say, man, you legally change your name to Kraftwerk?"
"No, I didn't, man."
"It'd be a lot cooler if you did."

"Say, man, you legally change your name to Kraftwerk?"
"No, I didn't, man."
"It'd be a lot cooler if you did."

It can be two things!!

In all fairness, by "Ax7 fan standards," Aaron13373 is showing some some A+ grammar skills.
- a professional writer

Maybe try wearing wearing pants?

We call them "heroes."

Not at Starbucks, it isn't. Thanks, Obama.

"Goddamn it, Eddie! You're not supposed to take it literally!"
- my someone's shift supervisor

Well, you can still get that, you just need to go out back now.

I, for one, always have time for a hand job.

Note to self: Stay the fuck away from Dunkin' Donuts.

I still just want to know who supplied Giuliani with the coke. Asking for James Woods (allegedly) a friend…

If this becomes the pun thread, I think I'll just Stay Away.